Family or Money? Some chose cash.

[PrincessPerky]

We don't get to decide the life of others, it is their choice,

and well absence does make the heart fonder so let them do their thing. You do yours your way.

I could spend hours ranting about my extended family and the choices (both money and time with family choices) but it wouldn't do a lick of good. I am me, they are they, we don't have to do things the same.

[Goldy1]

yes I always thought of marriage as a business transaction primarily and romantic second. (however, the romantic portion must be presnt IMO for a happy marriage)
AGain, it's different living aprt if finanaces require it, but to live aprt to merely obtain more than what one needs seems wrong to me, but I suppose I have to agree that it must work for them. They maintain hobbies and friendships so as to fill voids.
Good point of empty marriages where folks still live in the same house. Geez, I would hate that.

[noppenbd]

The other thing to consider is that maybe your father needs to have a steady workload to keep him happy, which he could not find in Michigan. I see a lot of parallels to my parents future situation. My father is 64, self-employed contractor (sole proprietor). My mother, 62, is planning to retire in the next year or two. They live together here but have planned to spend winters at their cottage in Florida. My dad is getting anxious to start spending winters in FL but my mother can't do it until she retires. He would have easier work down there as winters are harsh here when you do construction. He has considered going down on his own if she doesn't retire this year, but I think ultimately he will not, for a few reasons. First I think it would be hard on them to be apart for 3-4 months. Second my mother would be mostly responsible for their property here, which would be a big burden on her (even with my help). But if he did decide to go down there I would support that decision. I think after 40+ years of marriage they can probably handle the separation.

[DebbieL]

My DH and I are thinking of doing something similar. I'm working full time and going to school almost full time evenings. He could move to Vegas for much higher pay (he's a chef), plus it would be good for his career. We're both planning to relocate to the UK for a few years or so once I'm finished my schooling, and one of us would likely go over a few months before the other. If he does get a position in Vegas we would probably try to see each other about once a month or so. I always knew that where I live is not the greatest place to be a chef (not very much opportunity - and not a highly paid career here for the most part). I told him from the start I would never want him to feel "held back" in his career because of me. Then again, I'm a pretty secure and independent chicky poo I'd probably love the alone time (and that way you always are excited and happy to see each other).

What can I say? It works very well for some. I've had several long distance type relationships in the past, and none of them ended because of the distance. It was fun while it lasted. It sounds as if your parents have an arrangement that works well for them - and that's all that matters IMO.

[creditoria]

If this suits them both then you shall not insist on them changing their lifestyle. It is much easier to be committed to your marriage over the phone. It is not that easy to spend each day with the same person. They just may have found where the balance lies for their relation.

[inneedofhelp]

MY mom earns $22 an hour at a 3 day a week job(24 hours) They won't ever need her f/t. My dad is retired with a comfortable pension and heath benefits for the both of them.
They got a decent sized inheritance a few years ago which allowed them to buy a FLorida condo in mostly cash. They have some rental properties in Michigan(paid off)(poin there is they have more money than they "need")
My dad is self employed in Florida. He works whenever he wants on a daily basis from home(no employees) He has done this for decades on the side and now exclusively.
He lives in Florida 8 months of the year b/c his business does better there. My mom lives in Michigan without him alone in a house for the 8 months he is away.
They are committed to thier marriage and talk on the phone multiple times per day. She flies to Florida monthly to visit for a long weekend.

I know many families split up like this b/c of neccessity ie food on the table, to prevent forclosure.

It is morally right to live apart when you have enough money to not do this?
My dad was recently hospitalized overnight for high blood pressure and released. For the first time I said something. I said to my mom"what if something happened to my dad? Would you not feel bad you lived apart?" She had no response stating it was mainly his choice, but I think she wants the money also.
They plan to indefineitly continue this lifestyle. They are only early 50's.
Me and my dh constalty frown apon this choice. I love my independance, and free time, but that is not my definition of marriage.

From what you described, it seems like the money isn't the only reason for them living apart. If the family has additional properties that they can earn income from or sell, it appears to me (and it is just my opinion), that the long distance living has more to do with personal issues in the relationship than any money aspect.

[nasser]

Re: Money or Family

Hi,
Your family is very important and your mother is earning enough money but it would be better if she could find a job on the other 4days and you are going to have to find a well paying job.
Thank You and Feel Free To Ask Questions

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Or let me add, like my in-laws not sure why they are married. I think my MIL is having an affair and going to leave my FIL. But hasn't for financial reasons.

She has been traveling with a man for 2 months in an RV, her "friend." This friend has called our house every day and I made the mistake of thinking it was my FIL the first time. Weird. So how long until she decides to leave the marriage? I hope soon.