wedding planning woes

**moneybags** · 09-04-2008, 04:14 PM

Should we wait a couple years longer to get married or just elope and then have a party afterwards that doesn't cost so much?

I vote for elope or have a small, family only ceremony.

**disneysteve** · 09-04-2008, 04:30 PM

Originally posted by almostalumping View Post

Total: $21,000 - $25,000

My parents have volunteered $10,000, but they honestly can’t afford to give it.

My Financials

$20,000 in savings

Fiance’s Financials

he’s been paying off $2,000 per month for the past year

Do you think that we can afford possibly paying $15,000 (or more if my parents can't contribute) out of our pocket for March 2010

Should we wait a couple years longer to get married or just elope and then have a party afterwards that doesn't cost so much?

I think you guys are in good shape. If your fiance keeps saving $2,000/month, that alone is $36,000 between now and 3/2010. Obviously, you don't need all of it for the wedding, so you can still contribute to retirement and build your EF and cover other needs, and that doesn't even count any contribution from you. Even if your parents can't give $10,000 but give less, like $5,000, you should still be in great shape.

Obviously, the best answer is to plan a cheaper affair. The easiest way to do that is to trim your guest list. Every 10 people you knock off saves you $700+. And I'm sure plenty of couples in your area have beautiful weddings for less than $70/person. I would keep looking for other locations to hold the affair.

**maat55** · 09-04-2008, 05:10 PM

I think society is missing the boat on weddings. It is supposed to be a union of love, not a gameshow of despair. I would rent a tent and put the 14k on my first house, but thats just me.

**disneysteve** · 09-04-2008, 05:21 PM

Originally posted by maat55 View Post

I think society is missing the boat on weddings. It is supposed to be a union of love, not a gameshow of despair. I would rent a tent and put the 14k on my first house, but thats just me.

Is it necessary to spend 25K to get married? Of course not. But if you want to and can afford to, I see nothing wrong with it. Our daughter's Bat Mitzvah in 3 weeks (AAGH!) will cost about that. We've planned and saved for it for years and it is something very important to us that we've chosen to spend our money on.

I think the problem arises with the couples who want the expensive wedding but have no money to pay for it so they charge everything and spend years paying it off. Half of them are probably divorced before the wedding is paid for.

**PrincessPerky** · 09-05-2008, 09:06 AM

Bit late now that you put the deposit down, but next tie, try alternative 'halls'. Many churches here (NC) have one, as do the fire halls in PA. Both much less expensive.

regardless it is your wedding.

**tripods68** · 09-05-2008, 10:48 AM

WOW! That Hall is WAY TOO EXPENSIVE.

You should ditch Hall instead and get married like in beautiful park with excellent view, Top Mountain view, or Beach for a LOT CHEAPER. Why bankrupt yourself and end up in DIVORCE and still continue to pay for wedding. Sorry for ranting

**Broken Arrow** · 09-05-2008, 11:05 AM

Originally posted by maat55 View Post

I think society is missing the boat on weddings. It is supposed to be a union of love, not a gameshow of despair.

I nominate this to be the Quote of the Day.

**disneysteve** · 09-05-2008, 11:35 AM

Originally posted by almostalumping View Post

Reception hall: $70 per person

Originally posted by tripods68 View Post

WOW! That Hall is WAY TOO EXPENSIVE.

Depending on where you live, that price is quite reasonable. Ask anyone in New York City area. They would kill to have a wedding for $70/person.

I got married in 1992. Our wedding was more than that per person 16 years ago in Philadelphia.

My daughter's Bat Mitzvah this month is $58/person for a vegetarian buffet meal (so no meat, no waiter service). And that doesn't include the bar cost. That is another $18/person if the caterer provides the liquor (cheaper if we provide it which we are doing). A sit down meal would be considerably more. Those prices also don't include table linens, table and chair rental if needed, the cake and other incidentals. That also doesn't include the room rental which is $500.

Formal affairs are EXPENSIVE. No way around that in many areas unless you choose to have a much less formal affair with fewer guests.

**tripods68** · 09-05-2008, 11:50 AM

Originally posted by moneybags View Post

I vote for elope or have a small, family only ceremony.

DITTO!

**Gruntina** · 09-05-2008, 12:35 PM

I had my wedding a little over a year ago and we did save up to have a nice ceremony and reception at a restaurant that was built like several connected tree houses planted on a side of a river and blooming with all kinds of plants, flowers and several streaming waterfalls.

I do not regret it one bit. It was a great opportunity for my family, relatives and friends come a long distance for and to see everyone. Everyone had so much fun and it was one of my best days that I can look back on. It was so nice to have everything ready by the restaurant so that when my family came, we just had fun with no worries of gathering things, appointments, decorating or any clean up to do. We all just hang out together and shared happy memories.

It was also great that my husband's family and my family could meet and get to know each other as we really are combining families though our union of marriage.

Granted, we knew what we wanted and saved up for it. We actually spent 1/3 less than budgeted. Also it was right next to the ocean in a desired climate so it was pretty much a vacation for everyone that came.

**Gruntina** · 09-05-2008, 12:53 PM

Originally posted by Gruntina View Post

I had my wedding a little over a year ago and we did save up to have a nice ceremony and reception at a restaurant that was built like several connected tree houses planted on a side of a river and blooming with all kinds of plants, flowers and several streaming waterfalls.

I do not regret it one bit. It was a great opportunity for my family, relatives and friends come a long distance for and to see everyone. Everyone had so much fun and it was one of my best days that I can look back on. It was so nice to have everything ready by the restaurant so that when my family came, we just had fun with no worries of gathering things, appointments, decorating or any clean up to do. We all just hang out together and shared happy memories.

It was also great that my husband's family and my family could meet and get to know each other as we really are combining families though our union of marriage.

Granted, we knew what we wanted and saved up for it. We actually spent 1/3 less than budgeted. Also it was right next to the ocean in a desired climate so it was pretty much a vacation for everyone that came.

I forgot to add.. I did all this for about 10,000(everything including the rings, photographer and wedding attire) and I live in the SF Bay Area so that is incredibly frugal in a sense of a formal wedding with all the bells and whistles. It helps having network and resources to find good deals. Often having a wedding at a park is more expensive than a reserving a whole restaurant because you have to pay rental for all the chairs, lighting, seating, catering serving costs and so on. The restaurant took care of it and even used their music without the need of a DJ! They also had their own cake service and I did not have to pay per serving nor the fees to move it.

**maat55** · 09-05-2008, 01:31 PM

[QUOTE=disneysteve;183734]Depending on where you live, that price is quite reasonable. Ask anyone in New York City area. They would kill to have a wedding for $70/person.

It appears that Steve has a savings weak spot. (Family Social events)

**Gruntina** · 09-05-2008, 03:09 PM

[QUOTE=maat55;183742]

Originally posted by disneysteve View Post

Depending on where you live, that price is quite reasonable. Ask anyone in New York City area. They would kill to have a wedding for $70/person.

It appears that Steve has a savings weak spot. (Family Social events)

Disneysteve seems happy though!

**disneysteve** · 09-05-2008, 06:36 PM

Originally posted by maat55 View Post

It appears that Steve has a savings weak spot. (Family Social events)

Not really. I just think that sometimes regional price differences get lost in our conversations here because we come from many different places. What someone in the south might think is expensive might be a bargain for someone in the northeast or west coast.

As I said, I've been married for 16 years and our wedding was more than $70/person. If folks think that is expensive today, what would they have thought back then?

I just did a little search to try and get some prices in the Long Island area (which is not where I live) but nobody has prices on their website. I'm willing to bet that a typical event on LI is well over $100/person. You'd probably have a tough time finding a place for $70. It isn't because everybody is having super fancy affairs. It is because that is what the going rate is in that area. You also need to keep in mind that the median income for a family of four on LI is over $200,000. You can't compare that to a small town in the south or mid-west where a nice meal can be had for $30 but median income is only $45,000. Neither one is good or bad or better or worse. They are just totally different environments.

wedding planning woes