wedding planning woes

[maat55]

Not really. I just think that sometimes regional price differences get lost in our conversations here because we come from many different places. What someone in the south might think is expensive might be a bargain for someone in the northeast or west coast.

As I said, I've been married for 16 years and our wedding was more than $70/person. If folks think that is expensive today, what would they have thought back then?

I just did a little search to try and get some prices in the Long Island area (which is not where I live) but nobody has prices on their website. I'm willing to bet that a typical event on LI is well over $100/person. You'd probably have a tough time finding a place for $70. It isn't because everybody is having super fancy affairs. It is because that is what the going rate is in that area. You also need to keep in mind that the median income for a family of four on LI is over $200,000. You can't compare that to a small town in the south or mid-west where a nice meal can be had for $30 but median income is only $45,000. Neither one is good or bad or better or worse. They are just totally different environments.

Here in Tulsa, we rent a place for a price and they tell us how many will fit in it. We rented the top floor of an historic mansion for 600.00 that would hold 150 people. My step mother and some of her friends catered the food. I spent 6k for the wedding and it was great, so says everyone concerned.

Just having to pay for a wedding in your neck of the woods would send me packing. Not to mention the rediculous property taxes.

[tripods68]

Hey DisneySteve, even in HIGH COLA like California I wouldn't paid $70 a plate or $14K for a diner hall. There's way too many good places to have a beautiful wedding outside with memorable view all around for a LOT CHEAPER.

[Ariadne]

We're doing the wedding run-around too, and Toronto is just as bad as LI. On average, we've found that most places will run you between $79 and $140/head, but that's including alcohol.

To the OP, here's my advice:

1. Cut the guest list. That's where you'll save the most money. If you lower your guest list to 120, you'll see huge savings. Make an 'A' list (people who must be there, like parents and siblings), a 'B' list (people who should be there, aunts, uncles, close family friends), a 'C' list and so on. If you haven't spoken to a 'friend' in over a year, then don't bother inviting them.

2. Get creative. Try DIY stuff like invites and centrepieces and decor. Invites don't need to cost $600, Michaels has TONS of packages at their stores, and check out places you normally wouldn't look, like Wal-mart and Target. Your centrepieces do not have to be flowers...try tealights, stones...they don't cost as much.

3. Do research. Use the web to see what other people have done to minimize costs of weddings, read books from the local library (Try 'How to have a Fabulous Wedding for $5,000 or Less').

4. Create a realistic budget. What is important to you? What can you do without? Whatever you do, don't skimp on food and photos.

5. Negotiate. You're doing it on off-season, wedding services aren't in as much demand, you're in control. It takes alot of legwork, but if you can talk to 15 different photographers and haggle them down to 50% of what they say they would charge you (for the same quality and quantity of work), then you're laughing. Some places are willing to work with your budget, so if you tell them, I can only spend $800 on photos, most will try to see what they can do. (always use a realistic low-ball figure).

6. If you're not happy with the venue, decide on that sooner rather than later. Try to see if you can negotiate to get part of that deposit back. It's a long shot, but even if you can get back $400, it's better than nothing. If you're going to continue on with the venue, figure out what your concerns are, and see if the venue can address them (e.g. if the walls are not the right colour, perhaps dim the lighting? Add some swag?).

We're getting married in August 2009, and we've been pounding the pavement for 3 months now. We still don't have anything booked, except our Day-of Coordinator.

Don't sweat it for your wedding, everything will come together! Stay positive!

Hope this helps!

[creditscore]

wow that's too expensive...well IMO you should be practical right now..and i agree with disney

[cooliemae]

My fiance and I are getting close to the big day (Oct. 24th) and have been going through the same things. Up here in Green Bay, we are very limited on venues, but found a nice reception site and are using a historic church for the ceremony. The reception is costing us about $40 a head with the bar, but we're having our wedding on a non-Packer game weekend, if the Packers were in town, our cost would close to double.

[maat55]

IMO, if you want to squander that much money on the reception, your young enough to recover. Buy I strongly urge that you not accept such an large amount from your parents. You need to judge an amount that they can save face, but not harm them.

Expensive weddings are no different than buying expensive cars and flashy jewelry. It's all show and only remembered by the ones who have to pay the bill.

[disneysteve]

Expensive weddings are no different than buying expensive cars and flashy jewelry. It's all show and only remembered by the ones who have to pay the bill.

Here's my weakness for social events again.

I'd have to disagree with this. I think there is a big difference between spending money on an experience and spending money on things. An experience, whether it is a wedding, a concert, a vacation, etc. is something that provides memories that last a lifetime. A car or a big TV or some other thing only provides enjoyment while you have it. I still think back fondly to trips we've taken, look at pictures, read my travel log. I never think back fondly to my last car or my previous computer.

I've been married over 16 years. Our friends, to this day, still periodically talk about our reception. Several of them still stay it is the nicest wedding they've ever been to.

I know there are a few affairs that stand out in my mind as truly memorable experiences.

The question in this thread isn't how much is too much for a wedding. That's a very subjective question, as we've seen from the responses. The question is can OP afford the wedding she is planning?

[maat55]

The question in this thread isn't how much is too much for a wedding. That's a very subjective question, as we've seen from the responses. The question is can OP afford the wedding she is planning?

There are a lot of things people can afford, at the moment. I take in account their debt and their assets. If they asked me if they could afford a 21-25k car, I would say no, at this time. I don't give exception to an wedding, especially because it is a one day event.

As I said eariler, they can pay for this and recover(I think it is a huge waste)but I am more concerned about the parents being dragged into this extravagant nonsense.

1, 5, or 10 years from now, 10k of that reception cost is going to come in very handy. They will remember forever whether they burdened their parents. These are the hangovers that come with rediculous spending.

I hope that whatever they do, that the real meaning of their wedding is observed and there are no regrets.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Pay for the wedding you want. I wouldn't trade my wedding both of them. One was for me and one was for everyone else.

Sure could my $15k have come in handy? Yes. But heck I got some great memories of my day, my honeymoon, my photos.

I could have bought a $15k car but honestly I had a better time with wedding and honeymoon than driving a nicer car or newer furniture.

[jIM_Ohio]

I like the "experience vs things" analagy.

We had a relatively large wedding- a tradition in my family. I am one of 22 cousins from 6 siblings which are all real close. Might even be at 24 or 26 cousins now and with all the cousins starting to have kids, some family pictures have close to 75 people in them at these weddings.

You cannot put a price on any of that.

For example I remember the one wedding where EVERYONE and I mean every single cousin, aunt, uncle and cousins KIDS were in the picture after the wedding. That was special and more than likely that will be the last time that happens (popular cousins are all now married and the last few which are single are either far away or "out there".

Plus the stories of why my BIL's BIL cannot stand the taste of Killians irish red (he got real sick on it at my wedding) is priceless. I hear that story the 2-3 times per year I see my BILs BIL. The story of same BIL BIL showing up literally as my wife was walking down the aisle, the story about something blue falling from under my wife's dress, or the story about the ring not fitting on my wife's finger or the story about how nervous I was that day when I am usually so calm and how calm my wife was when she is usually so nervous...

the stories from a wedding day will last a lifetime if you remain close to one or two people involved.

We had to memorize our vows and 7 years later to this day I could recite them to my wife and wife could recite them back to me as well- I would not hold back on a wedding because of money- if we did most of what I described here would not exist.

That would make bearing 10k of sudden cc debt tougher to take

[almostalumping]

Thanks for your input, Everyone!! It has definitely given my fiance and me plenty of food for thought.

I think the biggest thing bugging me is paying $70 per person for a place we don't really like, but going with it because it was the cheapest place we could find.

I called and visited so many other places, and they were all well over $100 a head. My aunt knows the manager at this place, so he gave us a break from $76 pp down to $70. Unfortunately, you can really tell that it doesn't cost as much just by looking at it.

The guest list is a huge problem. We both come from very large families, so the first draft of the list was over 300 people. It's been murder to cut it down to 210, with both sets of parents resisting every cut we make. In my ideal world, we'd only be having ~100-125 people, but I know that it's not going to happen. Most of the list are out of town guests, so maybe we'll have a lot of declines, but I'm not sure.

Unfortunately, having such a large guest list has made it impossible to go with non-traditional reception halls like a fire-hall because all of those people just won't fit.

We don't have to put anymore money down until July 2009, so we're going to keep thinking about all of this and looking for more places until then. It's just hard when I'm in CA, he's in MA, and the wedding is in PA. We'll have a better idea then what kind of financial shape we're in.

[disneysteve]

OP, does that price include a full open bar? If so, have you considered doing just a limited bar - beer, wine and maybe a couple of pre-selected mixed drinks like appletinis and cosmos? With that many people, you could probably trim a couple thousand dollars off the bill by doing that.

[disneysteve]

It's been murder to cut it down to 210, with both sets of parents resisting every cut we make.

Who is paying for the wedding? If you and your fiance are paying for it, then YOU AND YOUR FIANCE get to make the guest list. If your parents and his parents are paying, they get to make the guest list.

We had those battles when I got married but my inlaws were paying so we couldn't cut people who they wanted since they were paying the bill. There were probably at least 40 people at our wedding who we wouldn't have invited had we been paying for it.

[jIM_Ohio]

Thanks for your input, Everyone!! It has definitely given my fiance and me plenty of food for thought.

I think the biggest thing bugging me is paying $70 per person for a place we don't really like, but going with it because it was the cheapest place we could find.

I called and visited so many other places, and they were all well over $100 a head. My aunt knows the manager at this place, so he gave us a break from $76 pp down to $70. Unfortunately, you can really tell that it doesn't cost as much just by looking at it.

The guest list is a huge problem. We both come from very large families, so the first draft of the list was over 300 people. It's been murder to cut it down to 210, with both sets of parents resisting every cut we make. In my ideal world, we'd only be having ~100-125 people, but I know that it's not going to happen. Most of the list are out of town guests, so maybe we'll have a lot of declines, but I'm not sure.

Unfortunately, having such a large guest list has made it impossible to go with non-traditional reception halls like a fire-hall because all of those people just won't fit.

We don't have to put anymore money down until July 2009, so we're going to keep thinking about all of this and looking for more places until then. It's just hard when I'm in CA, he's in MA, and the wedding is in PA. We'll have a better idea then what kind of financial shape we're in.

What area do you live in (rural or city)? $76 plate is high- what do you get for this? We paid around $35/plate (buffet) and had DJ included in that price for a 175 guest guarantee. I live in Ohio and got married 7 years ago. Cincy suburb.

Is the cost Buffet or sit down meal? We had meal choices ($29 for appetizers, $31 for one meat, $33 for two...)- is the $76 for all meals, bar and appetizers? Is wedding cake included? Have you been to any bridal shows?

Maybe consider using a non wedding type hall. Wedding places know people pay out of their a$$ for weddings and overcharge for everything. If you can find a church hall, VFW or similar, then hire a caterer, you might make out MUCH better. The few times I have needed a caterer, they came much cheaper than $35/person.

Guest list- easy do an A list B list and C list

A list are people you think will attend and the closest people to you (the 125 you mentioned). The B list are the people the parents want invited, yet 50% of them won't show anyway. The C list are the people you want to come and parents could care less about.

Send invites for A and B list early. As you get regrets coming in, send the C list invites out one at a time. Have a priority on the C list. Time this so C list has 8 weeks to respond. A and B lists might need to go out at 15 weeks to get reponses by 10 weeks out.

We knew we had to invite certain people out of formality. Once they returned with a "no" the entire C list was able to attend. If we had the whole list, we were looking at 250-300 and we only wanted about 225. Hall minimum was 175.

If people get concerned about whether they get an invite, they need to be on the B list or not know anyone on the A or B list. For example coworkers are best left for C list, but that friend which knows someone on A list should not be on the C list (they would get invites about 8 weeks apart and the goal is to be transparent about this).

[disneysteve]

What area do you live in? $76 plate is high- what do you get for this? We paid around $35/plate (buffet) and had DJ included in that price for a 175 guest guarantee. I live in Ohio and got married 7 years ago.

Where've you been, Jim? We've covered this already.

Here in the northeast, $76/person is NOT high at all. As OP said, that is the cheapest place she has found. Most were over $100.

I can't imagine $35/person including a DJ. Just the DJ for DD's Bat Mitzvah this month is $2,500. The buffet is $58/person. Open bar is $18/person. We're only paying $3.50/person for the bar because we're providing the alcohol. I know our guests won't drink $15/person worth of liquor (some probably will but very few) so we were able to cut costs that way.