wedding planning woes

[jIM_Ohio]

Where've you been, Jim? We've covered this already.

Here in the northeast, $76/person is NOT high at all. As OP said, that is the cheapest place she has found. Most were over $100.

I can't imagine $35/person including a DJ. Just the DJ for DD's Bat Mitzvah this month is $2,500. The buffet is $58/person. Open bar is $18/person. We're only paying $3.50/person for the bar because we're providing the alcohol. I know our guests won't drink $15/person worth of liquor (some probably will but very few) so we were able to cut costs that way.

I saw the PA location and I consider PA to be a lower class version of Ohio. LOL. I think a little work and things can be found for cheaper- like find the hall and find the caterer seperately.

[zetta]

The guest list is a huge problem. We both come from very large families, so the first draft of the list was over 300 people. It's been murder to cut it down to 210, with both sets of parents resisting every cut we make. In my ideal world, we'd only be having ~100-125 people, but I know that it's not going to happen. Most of the list are out of town guests, so maybe we'll have a lot of declines, but I'm not sure.

Unfortunately, having such a large guest list has made it impossible to go with non-traditional reception halls like a fire-hall because all of those people just won't fit.

I don't really have an opinion on whether your financial situation permits spending $25k for a wedding with a dinner and dancing reception for the full guest list.

Imagine you are planning a family reunion for a family of 300 instead of a wedding. Somehow I don't think you'd be paying for a hall and a $70/head sit-down dinner -- there would be some other venue (such as a park) where everyone would meet and throw a pot-luck BBQ. So if you are open to a BBQ reception (picking up take-out food rather than catered) or a cake-only reception at a church, there is probably some way to make this a lot cheaper. You just have to decide what is most important to you -- the size of the guest list, the style of the event, or the total money spent.

[almostalumping]

OP, does that price include a full open bar? If so, have you considered doing just a limited bar - beer, wine and maybe a couple of pre-selected mixed drinks like appletinis and cosmos? With that many people, you could probably trim a couple thousand dollars off the bill by doing that.

This is exactly the problem that we ran into- every reception hall that we talked to or visited has a "celebration package" that includes everything (cocktail hour with appetizers, deluxe 4 hour bar, salad, dinner, intermezzo, wedding cake, and a separate dessert). You can add things to the package, but you can't take reduce or take anything away.

I was really frustrated when I went to these places because I did ask if we could do a limited bar and take out the extra dessert, the intermezzo, and some of the appetizer choices, and they looked at me like I had three heads and said that they could not allow that.

[almostalumping]

I saw the PA location and I consider PA to be a lower class version of Ohio. LOL. I think a little work and things can be found for cheaper- like find the hall and find the caterer seperately.

That's another thing we discovered- each of the halls we looked at had a specific caterer that you must use if you book the hall. Absolutely no outside food or drink can be brought in. Very frustrating.

[almostalumping]

What area do you live in (rural or city)? $76 plate is high- what do you get for this? We paid around $35/plate (buffet) and had DJ included in that price for a 175 guest guarantee. I live in Ohio and got married 7 years ago. Cincy suburb.

Is the cost Buffet or sit down meal? We had meal choices ($29 for appetizers, $31 for one meat, $33 for two...)- is the $76 for all meals, bar and appetizers? Is wedding cake included? Have you been to any bridal shows?

Maybe consider using a non wedding type hall. Wedding places know people pay out of their a$$ for weddings and overcharge for everything. If you can find a church hall, VFW or similar, then hire a caterer, you might make out MUCH better. The few times I have needed a caterer, they came much cheaper than $35/person.

Guest list- easy do an A list B list and C list

The wedding will be in a suburb about 45 minutes outside of Philadelphia.

The $70 pp is the complete, non-negotiable package (all food/drink plus the hall).

I think that if I can find a non wedding type hall that can hold all of those people, we may go with that. So far I haven't been able to find one.

I'm pushing for the A, B, and C list. My fiance is living home with his parents and has gotten caught up in the "we have to invite everyone on the current list and can't make any cuts" idea. He did manage to convince his mom to make the cuts they already have, but I think there are definitely more people he/his parents could cut. We're just not seeing eye to eye on that issue right now.

[maat55]

The wedding will be in a suburb about 45 minutes outside of Philadelphia.

The $70 pp is the complete, non-negotiable package (all food/drink plus the hall).

I think that if I can find a non wedding type hall that can hold all of those people, we may go with that. So far I haven't been able to find one.

I'm pushing for the A, B, and C list. My fiance is living home with his parents and has gotten caught up in the "we have to invite everyone on the current list and can't make any cuts" idea. He did manage to convince his mom to make the cuts they already have, but I think there are definitely more people he/his parents could cut. We're just not seeing eye to eye on that issue right now.

As the father paying for my daughters wedding, we ran into the problem with the other parents wanting to invite more than we were willing to accept. So, we marched right over to their house and nicely told them that they had a certain amount of invites, period.

If you and your fiance are in control of this wedding, lookout.(War of the Roses)

[disneysteve]

This is exactly the problem that we ran into- every reception hall that we talked to or visited has a "celebration package" that includes everything (cocktail hour with appetizers, deluxe 4 hour bar, salad, dinner, intermezzo, wedding cake, and a separate dessert). You can add things to the package, but you can't take reduce or take anything away.

each of the halls we looked at had a specific caterer that you must use if you book the hall.

I find it a little hard to believe, especially in the current economy, that the caterers don't offer a variety of packages. One-size-fits-all doesn't work very well. I would think they'd be willing to negotiate unless they already have more business than they can handle.

What you need to find is a hall that isn't tied to one caterer. Some halls will let you bring in your own caterer or at least give you a list of approved caterers.

Have you looked into non-traditional venues like museums, the aquarium, etc.? Not sure where outside of Philly you are but we have attended affairs at the Philadelphia Art Museum, the Camden Aquarium, the Franklin Institute and other such places. Have you checked out all of the hotels in the area? I know several of the center city hotels have beautiful ball rooms. My cousin got married at the Union League building on Broad Street (though that was probably a lot more than $70/person).

I don't know where you've looked, but if you are that close to Philly, it seems to me you should be able to find a place that lets you bring in your own caterer or at least will work with you to tailor a package to your budget and taste.

[Well Spent]

Ugh. I feel for you, Almostalumping. It's tough. I don't envy the choices you have to make. Marriage ceremonies and receptions are so important, but it's the whole industry has become a racket.