Baby Shower for Baby #3????

[zakity]

I have heard of showers for 2/3/4th babies, but they aren't "gift giving" things as much as a celebration that she is going to have a baby. You go out to eat somewhere and you give small gifts (like diapers or a gift card for diapers).

I have heard of "dinner" showers for 2/3/4th babies. Everyone brings a frozen dish for the mom to throw in the oven after the baby is born. That is the greatest thing sometimes to not have to figure out what to fix when you have had a bad day.

The only time I have heard of "real" showers for babies after the first one is if the second is an opposite sex (for appropriate clothes and things, especially if the first one was a girl and the second is a boy and they went crazy on the girl stuff for the first one) or if there is a huge time period between the babies.

I have a friend who is pregnant now and has a 13 year old child. We are doing a baby shower for her because she has no baby stuff left from her first one. Actually, she is an extremely frugal friend and I love her to death!! Her famly has been scouring yard sales and stuff looking for baby clothes because they are a distance away and they have to ship it. And, another lady and I have been scouring yard sales for baby stuff. She has almost all the stuff that she needs. We think we are going to do a "dinner" shower for her because we all know that is what she will need after the baby comes.

[Gruntina]

I have heard of "dinner" showers for 2/3/4th babies. Everyone brings a frozen dish for the mom to throw in the oven after the baby is born. That is the greatest thing sometimes to not have to figure out what to fix when you have had a bad day.

That is one of the greatest idea I ever heard of for a 2/3/4+ baby shower. Thanks for sharing.

[Gruntina]

Yep, diapers, the universal baby shower gift. The mean side of me says, if they are disposables only users, give cloth --or vice versa.

What is the point of doing that?

[myrdale]

I am a single guy, and as far as baby showers go, well I was with in a 100 foot of one once. They are the sort of thing we guys try to avoid.

Now with that said, I do not see why everyone is so against shower #3. I thought baby showers were suppose to be to celebrate the child? Yes you give gifts, but I've viewed it as the family coming together to help with the burden.

Now how much help does she need? Well after 2 kids, she ought to have the basics taken care of already: crib, play pin, strooler (spelling?), etc etc. That is ofcouse assuming her 2nd kid isn't like 10 or 15 and these things have been tossed long ago. I think I would have a hard cap of $50, maybe even as low as $20.

I'd buy a couple cans of powered formula, and a pack of diapers at most. Other thoughs might be a good cook book, or a vacuum cleaner (sorry I don't mean to sound too sexest, but she will need them with 3 kids). Or maybe get her a copy of Dave Ramsey, or some good budgeting book for families. Just my two cents.

[hopefulfirefly]

I have a "devil's advocate" question for all of you who think a shower is inappropriate for baby #2 or #3. Do you not give a gift for 2nd and 3rd babies? If you do give a gift, then what is wrong with the shower?

Yes, I would give her a gift for this new baby....when I go to see him/her after he/she is born. Just like I would for someone's baby #1, you go to the shower and buy a gift off a registry, and then you go visit the baby and bring a gift. I think the tradition of bringing a gift after the baby is born is perfectly fine for each baby (which, typically the cost of the gift you purchase when the baby is born is less than the amount you spend at the shower). I think registering twice and having 2 showers is insane for most situations.

[JanH]

I don't think I've ever been to an actual shower for a later child, but I do give a gift to the new baby. So, I give a gift AFTER the baby is born. Don't know what to tell you about a shower, but you could use this opportunity to give a gift to the new baby for its arrival and not really to the parents. It's like a "birthday" or "welcome to the our world" gift.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

What is the point of doing that?

The point would only be meanness. It does sound like hopefulfirefly's feels hurt and/or used, and sometimes when we feel hurt]used, we want to strike back at the person who made us feel that way. Me, too.

About not attending the shower-- First of all, I hate baby showers and just do not go to them anymore. Babies can be welcomed once they are born and no stupid shower games will have to be played. But in hopefulfirefly's situation, I think there is more reason to just send a gift and skip the shower. I am taking hopefulfirefly at her word that the parents could provide for the baby themselves, while hopefulfirefly is working hard even to get an emergency fund built up and to save for adopting their own child. If an experienced parent thinks that there is so much that they need to buy before the arrival of a baby, then they parent differently than I do in infancy. It would be very hard and insincere of me to spend much money on items I don't think the baby (or parent) needs in order to fulfill high material aspirations of the parents when I myself was scraping to become secure enough in my own finances to be able to fix my car when it broke down or feed myself if I got sick and missed a couple weeks of work.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I have heard of a baby shower for #6. And a lot of people on another message board suggested booze for the mom. She'll need it with six kids.

[cschin4]

Meanwhile, DH and I are trying so hard to save up enough cash to adopt a baby and have a fully funded EF, and I'm supposed to spend money on her baby shower while she blows all of her own money?

The decision whether to go to a party/shower/wedding or any other event isn't based on whether or not you personally approve of how that person runs their entire life or how you are running yours. If you are invited to an event, a simple "yes or no" is all that is needed. However, it is your family, therefore, I would attend. Is buying a small baby gift really going to break the bank and cause you some hardship? Who cares if somebody "should" have a shower or not for whatever # baby? If this was an acquaintance, i would say just decline the invitation and you could skip the gift. But, it is your SIL, so just grin and bear it and go and have a good time.

[sounderella]

I can understand having a baby shower if there's been a significant age gap since the last baby or maybe if they've had all boys and now are having a girl. I am all about giving the diapers as gifts. I really wish more people had given me diapers at DS' shower than the stuff I didn't really use (i.e. wipey warmer). I also like the idea of the frozen meals.

If it were me, I'd probably go since it's family and I know a hormonal pregnant lady can blow something like not coming into something huge....but yeah get something like diapers or bring a meal.

[Aleta]

I think that the problem with these showere is sometimes the whole expense of them. Some are at restaurants and that is a big cost to each individaul attending and then there's the gift. The Mom-to-be is usually registered and her list is usually the more expensive gifts.

When you go to the shower, these gifts are opened in front of everyone. I have seen people from one invitee give so many gifts to the baby that I was shocked.

I also like giving to a baby after it is born. I think if some of the relatives or friends want to go in together to buy an item that the Mom needs - that is even better.

So getting back to the former, if you were just to give some baby wipes at a shower; you would be considered cheap. Don't get me wrong I don't personally care what others say of me, but there are some who would feel awkward doing this.

I have a SIL that has stopped all of the gift opening at her son's birthday parties because some of the invited children couldn't buy a gift or would think that their lower cost gift wasn't equal to what everyone else was giving. I give her a lot of credit for doing this. She is teaching her son some valuable lessons in life.

[MangoMomOf4]

I see nothing qrong with a shower, I just had baby number 4 , 4 months ago. I was thrown a shoer. Just because we had other children, does not mean we did not need items still. I was given alot of cloth wipes and cloth diaper supplies- the others were used by three kids alread. Plus a lot of disposable wipes and diapers, formula, sheets, onesies. Things that you go through. Also books and music for our daughter. We even got some meals to freeze and gift cards to grocery stores, etc. All of which we despartly needed. We did register, but only for a few items- the most expensive thing was the bedding set- that all the grandparents chipped in on. Everything else we registered for was $1- $22. This was not a "gimmie syndrom" as someone had mentioned, this was practical items needed for our daughter & a chance to sit back with the family and celebrate a new life!

[cicy33]

I guess I am in the minority. Why shouldn't there be a baby shower for each baby? I don't agree with hugely expensive gifts for even the first one, that in my opinion is the parents job. but I guess the way I see it is, why do people consider the first baby more important than the third or fourth? Diapers are a great gift. and wipes are too! But I don't see a problem with a baby shower. Every pregnancy and child should be a wonderful gift that should be celebrated. I know personally I could never afford the kinds of gifts that I know are being given but I think a nice outfit, diapers, wipes, blankets, etc are nice gifts.

[Aleta]

cicy3: I think that the problem arises when there are so many events to go to including birthday parties, graduations, weddings, funerals, special anniversary, Xmas gifts, holiday spending in general.

There are so many invitations out there and especially in the office where there is always someone getting married. I just think that when you have a budget, you can't possibly buy gifts for everything that comes around. My goodness, we alone with just our extended family without friends could have gone broke attending everything that happened.

We all need to be realistic in what we expect from others as this can put a huge burden on some families.

I have an acquaintance that the majority of her arguments with her husband is about finances and especially about his large family that celebrates everything. So, this can put a burden on families with limited funds.

[Well Spent]

If I were you, I would not attend, encourage your husband to go if he wants since it's his family, and give a small gift (maybe a $10 clothes item) when the baby is born.