Marriage Age?

[cptacek]

I was ready to get married around 24/25. I just didn't meet DH until I was 28! We got married this year...I had just turned 30 and he was about to turn 33.

I didn't wait for him (generic him) to find me before I started to live. I was happy and fulfilled (except for hating v-day and missing out on new year's eve kisses) and when I found him I was ready. I have a cousin that doesn't want to start a career or her own practice (she is a psychologist...figure that one out!) because she doesn't know where her (future) husband will want to live. Of course, she hasn't met him yet either. Kinda sad.

Maturity makes the biggest difference. I think sometimes when you get married young, you are stuck at that maturity level for a long time. You may get more and more responsibilities, but you might not be able to handle them as well as if you had grown up a little before getting married.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Considering my BIL is 28 and he is considering moving countries for a woman after 2 months. Age is but a number because I can't see him being ready for marriage.

[OverSaver]

I don't think it has anything to do with age...it has to be the circumstance, the level of maturity, and what the person wants. Many people get married for the wrong reason whether at 18, 25, or 45.

[moneybags]

There was no "married housing unit" at my school. And even if there had been, that would totally have changed the whole college experience. To me, college is a time for kids to transition into adulthood, develop independence, enjoy some new-found freedoms and generally grow up. Marriage is something that happens AFTER you grow up, not before. Marriage is a serious commitment. I don't believe most 18 year olds are ready for that.

Maybe it could work for some couples, but I can't see how it would have been a good thing for me and my wife.

I wasn't saying getting married in college is for everyone, just giving an example of a young marriage. FYI, being married in college was a great experience for my brother. He's been married 30+ years and just became a grandfather.

[prosper]

we were both 27

I think you have to look at this issue on a case by case basis. However, I would go out on a limb and say that most people are mature and in deep into their career by 25-35. I think that 18 is too young to get married unless those individuals are very mature.

[prosper]

A lot of this discussion will center around your faith and beleif systems so I'll just jump in here.

I mean. . .who is ever really ready for marriage? I lived with my DW too before marriage but "playing house" and being married are entirely 2 different matza balls and "playing house" is by no means really a "test run" to marriage. . . I will agree with the priests, ministers and rabbi's on that one.

Sometimes I think it would be better to be married at age 18 and that "primitive" cultures know what they are doing and it is perhaps we who are fools.

I mean, we ask teenagers to delay getting married, wait for sex until they are late 20's ( a mere theorectical request for many, I realize) . . .how biologically compatible is this request that American and Western society makes of young people?

Is it any wonder that we have rampant teenage pregnancies and STD's?

And let's face it. . .once there is a out of wedlock pregnancy and/or STD. . .finding a partner and securing the father to the child is monumental.

We just had our 3rd child at age 39 and we feel old. We were married at age 25 and had our first child at age 28. If I had to do it over again, I would have had all of our children by age 32.

When my newborn graduates college, we'll be old as dirt.

Although I agree with you on, in reference to the underlined statement, I think that it is a catch 22. During your mid twenties to early thirties, a lot of people are still developing there career, savings, retirement, etc.

[jIM_Ohio]

Tough question- to answer that I need to remember the year I got married (I forget it all the time).

I know my anniversary is Aug 10, I think this is year 6 coming up- so 2002? That would make me 29 when I got married.

[disneysteve]

Tough question- to answer that I need to remember the year I got married (I forget it all the time).

I know my anniversary is Aug 10, I think this is year 6 coming up- so 2002? That would make me 29 when I got married.

And that is why my wife had our wedding date engraved on my ring.

[stressedmama]

I just turned 22 and DH was 24 when we got married. I wanted to finished my bachelor's degree and have a "real" job before I got married. I graduated in May, started my job in June, and then got married in October. Getting married any earlier would have been to stressful for us.

[glock35ipsc]

I was 24 and my wife was 19 when we got married. We had known each other for 5 months when we got married. That was 13.5 years ago. We have a 7 (almost 8) year old son, and a daughter that just turned 5. We waited until we were sure all the "kid" was out of us before deciding to have kids.

[Aleta]

We were both 17 1/2 years old and are still married. Many, many, years.

[Cylenchar]

I was 20 (turned 21 a week later) when I married. I thing the personality and beliefs of the person plays a larger rule than age. Some people will never be ready because they have too many ideas (often conflicting) of what their partner should be. I have a friend who wants the guy she marries to be a sensitive blue collar guy who is artistic, can fix anything, and listens to and respects her feelings (but at the same time, she views guys who are nice as pushovers).

[Fizgig]

I think the assumption in a lot of posts here is that the man is the primary breadwinner, and the woman is the primary caregiver. Those have been the traditional roles but when I look around to the people I know, it's less and less the norm.

Education and career is not a "hobby" to many women - some of the best mothers I know are highly educated and very dedicated to the careers. They are happy, fulfilled, love their children, and set a great example.

I think that delaying marriage and children until the late twenties or early thirties is great for society AND families. People have a chance to establish themselves in their career, get an education if they choose, save a little money, and gain a little maturity. I would hate for us to go back to the days when it was standard for women to have three kids by the age of 25 and have to rely on their husband for everything, sometimes trapped in bad marriages because they couldn't support themselves. That happens enough as it is.

In my opinion, EVERY woman should have the ability to support themselves and any children they have. Marriages end, spouses die or become disabled. Also, I think it's better for a child to have a strong, accomplished, happy mother even if it means they spend a little time in daycare. My mother sacrificed her education/career and stayed at home with the kids, and was horribly bitter and unfulfilled because of it.

[jIM_Ohio]

I think the assumption in a lot of posts here is that the man is the primary breadwinner, and the woman is the primary caregiver. Those have been the traditional roles but when I look around to the people I know, it's less and less the norm.

Education and career is not a "hobby" to many women - some of the best mothers I know are highly educated and very dedicated to the careers. They are happy, fulfilled, love their children, and set a great example.

I think that delaying marriage and children until the late twenties or early thirties is great for society AND families. People have a chance to establish themselves in their career, get an education if they choose, save a little money, and gain a little maturity. I would hate for us to go back to the days when it was standard for women to have three kids by the age of 25 and have to rely on their husband for everything, sometimes trapped in bad marriages because they couldn't support themselves. That happens enough as it is.

In my opinion, EVERY woman should have the ability to support themselves and any children they have. Marriages end, spouses die or become disabled. Also, I think it's better for a child to have a strong, accomplished, happy mother even if it means they spend a little time in daycare. My mother sacrificed her education/career and stayed at home with the kids, and was horribly bitter and unfulfilled because of it.

The biggest issue with delaying kids until mid 30's is those late night feeds don't agree with a 30 something year old body which has to get up and work for a living.

I think I could have handled the sleep deprivation better when I was 20 or 25. Of course I did not meet my wife until I was 26. I think (what year did we meet again). Oh no.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Depends Jim, I am not sure if my DH could be better able to handle kids at 30 because he has to get up for a job! Whereas previously he could be irresponsible like our roommate and get up at noon or 3 pm and work everyday. The 9-5 routine has worked wonders for our relationship!

Me being the morning person and him being the enforced routine. FWIW, our roomie has one more year of freedom before he has to get a real job and at which time, as he's so UNHAPPILY learned in this 1 year of post-docing, that he can't just take 8 weeks of vacation a year anymore.