heres my comeback

**gamecock43** · 05-28-2008, 10:04 AM

I need a better comeback than that. Sorry, but that comeback does not work when none of my friends have started a 401k yet and dont care about it either.
I come across those people all day /every day. People just spending money that took them a week to earn on things that that will be gone tomorrow. I would love a comeback to just shut them up and realize how dumb their lifestyle choices look to others.
I am so sick of having expensive handbags, cruises, and new purchases thrown in my face when I have nothing to show for being frugal.

But thats the point. I have nothing to show- because its all in the bank.

I am waiting, patiently waiting for the feeling of self satisfaction and justification to come for all my discipline. Because it is hard to live within your means when no one around you does and people look at them like they have it going on in the- smart, sucess and wealth catagory- and you get the pity.

But if that comeback works for you then I applaud you. And I applaud that you do choose to forgo nails (I myself do not get the nail thing either...are men REALLY attracted to a woman because she has long nails??) for the opportunity to always have a choice to get nails done in the future.

**sweeps** · 05-28-2008, 10:21 AM

What about focusing on the goals? For example:

"We save a lot of our income so we'll be able to retire by the time we're 55."
or
"I'm saving for my son's/daughter's college. That's an important goal for me."
or
"It's important for me to be debt free. I can't imagine having to pay high interest charges to the credit card companies."
or
"We're saving up for a 3-week trip to Europe next year. It's going to be nice to not have to worry about how to pay for it."
etc.

**AmbitiousSaver** · 05-28-2008, 10:34 AM

All great comebacks IMO

I don't really have any comebacks but when people invite me to something and I forego going cause I tell them that we're trying to pay off DH's car and credit card. I don't have a social life but my true friends have stuck around and its really simplified my life... less birthday parties to have to go to, less Christmas presents to buy... and yet, it frees up time in my life so I can focus on the more important people... like my best friend, DH, and family.

**poundwise** · 05-28-2008, 10:58 AM

Maybe I missed it but I don't see what the other party said that warranted a "comeback" statement.

I know its frustrating that many people are irresponsible with their money and tend to expect you to be too but, from what I read above, the person was just making conversation and sharing an idea.

Maybe its worth considering that we ought to be less sensitive when others don't share our views on money and life, rather than sitting around thinking up comebacks.

**AmbitiousSaver** · 05-28-2008, 11:06 AM

Originally posted by poundwise View Post

Maybe I missed it but I don't see what the other party said that warranted a "comeback" statement.

I know its frustrating that many people are irresponsible with their money and tend to expect you to be too but, from what I read above, the person was just making conversation and sharing an idea.

Maybe its worth considering that we ought to be less sensitive when others don't share our views on money and life, rather than sitting around thinking up comebacks.

I can't speak for the original poster but I know especially in my life, I started out hanging out with friends who didn't have kids so they had more money to blow. And since DH was deployed, I found myself trying to go along with them just so I could have a life vs staying at home for six months. But it snowballed.... and before I knew it I was spending money on stuff I realized I shouldn't be. Pampered Chef parties were a big thing that I got invited too, dinners out, etc, etc... they weren't requiring I be rich to hang out with them but everything seemed to revolve around having to spend money when I hung out with them.

So finally late last year, early this year... I used the baby (I have a 4 month old) as an excuse to not hang out so much anymore and save money. Then I'd elude to the fact I wasn't going out to "lunch at Olive Garden" cause I'd tell them "money is tight" or something like that.

When I started doing that they stopped suggesting "meeting at Olive Garden" or "Pampered Chef" parties... and oddly enough, the invites have stopped all together and I barely ever see them anymore. Oh well... my best friends have stuck around. She knows my financial situation and I know hers, I felt bad cause I didn't have the money to give her a wedding present last year and I told her I still owe her for a dinner out when we were in Hawaii... but she told me me driving 13 hours 9 weeks pregnant and with 3 kids BY MYSELF cause my marriage was in shambles at the time to be at her wedding meant the world to her. So I know she's a true friend and I know I'll pay her back somehow in the future.

But I can see the need for a comeback even if its just to get people to stop asking you to spend money on frivolous things. At some point you need to say something to differentiate yourself so they know you don't treat money in the same regard.

Its like dieting... I get a lot more support from people when I tell them my goals/intentions vs just continuously saying no or not eating at social gatherings. But it probably does depend on the tone used... nonetheless I think its important to verbalize your goals to people so at least they know where you are coming from. Most people tend to be helpful after that and not try to sabotage your goals.

**sweeps** · 05-28-2008, 11:22 AM

Originally posted by poundwise

Maybe I missed it but I don't see what the other party said that warranted a "comeback" statement.

I think "comeback" is a strong word here, but what's wrong with responding when someone gives you unsolicited advice? Let's extrapolate this to "You really should trade in your car and buy a new one." Do you just nod and smile?

I think savers need to stop being embarrassed or guarded about their situation and (politely of course) let people know there is an alternative to a maxed-out, spending lifestyle.

Otherwise you'll probably end up bailing out that person later.

**irmanator** · 05-28-2008, 12:31 PM

ok maybe comeback wasn't the term i should have used. I am not incredibly good with words on a moments notice and frequently say one thing and mean another if not able to sit and think about it. I guess i meant that i was impressed with myself for coming up with something to say that made them change the subject off of me and onto someone else, without me having to go into much detail. After all this is the lunch table not close friends.

**sounderella** · 05-28-2008, 12:40 PM

If I get unsoliciated advice I usually just say "ok...thanks for sharing" or if I'm invited somewhere I can't go because I don't have the money or I'm saving it I usually just pull "sorry can't go we don't have a sitter" or "sorry it's family night" I don't feel like airing my dirty laundry that I'm broke because usually that opens the door to the advice giving.

**irmanator** · 05-28-2008, 01:12 PM

yes but i am not really broke, i just appear that way because of the % i put into my 401k so i guess you could say its self inflicted but in a good way. I make my bills but my hobby lately has been lets see how frugal we can be and still get by. i don't feel to deprived most of the time and when i do i change something to give me wiggle room for a couple weeks. then i go back to it.

**poundwise** · 05-28-2008, 02:20 PM

Originally posted by sweeps View Post

I think "comeback" is a strong word here, but what's wrong with responding when someone gives you unsolicited advice?

I think savers need to stop being embarrassed or guarded about their situation...

I agree that "savers" need not be embarrassed or guarded at all but we also don't need to be overly sensitive or act with more zeal than is warranted either. I am not saying that you are suggesting such, only that I think there needs to be a balance between the two, in general.

Having a "comeback" at the ready implies an prepared response from a defensive position. As you say, perhaps that is simply not the right word for what the OP was trying to express, and I get that, but the idea of a "comeback" is what I was addressing.

As for your scenario, if someone tells me what I should do, I'm going to respond in an up-front and factual manner. I'm not at all bashful to reply in such a case.

"You should trade in on a new car."

"Oh no. This car is just fine and, what's more, its paid for." (My position on my situation.)

Or alternatively:

"When the time comes for me to get another car, I sure won't be trading in on a new one." (My position on trading in and on buying new.)

However, if a casual acquaintance makes a general comment about the prices at a new sandwich shop on the corner, I'm not going to seize the opportunity to lecture them on how much more thrifty it is to bring a bag lunch.

**poundwise** · 05-28-2008, 02:21 PM

Originally posted by irmanator View Post

ok maybe comeback wasn't the term i should have used. I am not incredibly good with words on a moments notice and frequently say one thing and mean another if not able to sit and think about it. I guess i meant that i was impressed with myself for coming up with something to say that made them change the subject off of me and onto someone else, without me having to go into much detail. After all this is the lunch table not close friends.

I get what you are saying and can appreciate how you feel about how you responded. Good for you!

**AmbitiousSaver** · 05-28-2008, 02:26 PM

Originally posted by sounderella View Post

If I get unsoliciated advice I usually just say "ok...thanks for sharing" or if I'm invited somewhere I can't go because I don't have the money or I'm saving it I usually just pull "sorry can't go we don't have a sitter" or "sorry it's family night" I don't feel like airing my dirty laundry that I'm broke because usually that opens the door to the advice giving.

Telling people we are broke is the only way I got DH's family to finally stop asking us for money. But they are on welfare and make $5K a year, but still they should know better than to ask us for money when we have four young kids of our own we are trying to support. Although I did learn that card doesn't work on everyone cause then they start soliciting advice. Thats why I just started saying "Oh we're trying to pay off DH's car or credit card" cause then we're not really broke... cause we aren't... I paid over $3K to his credit card this month when I could have just paid the minimum. But on the other hand, I wouldn't mind people thinking we're broke cause esp at my age... the more people think you're rich... the more they expect stuff (like Dh's family).

heres my comeback