Having Children Too Soon Will Make You Poor

[Gruntina]

There just seems to be two categories of people when it comes to having babies. They either are planners and goal orientated or they just do things as they come.

[Hot dog]

I was a single teenage mom. I had my first four days before my senior year and still graduated at the top of my class. Then had the second and skipped the first semester of college to stay home. I lost like $1200 in a scholarship but still went on paying for college myself. Actually I had other scholarships and grants. Then went on to a four year college. One of the most expensive in the country and came out with $10,000 of debt and graduated with honors getting my own house senior year. It was hard but it pushed me to know that I had to do it to take care of them and to show those that thought I couldn't do it . Anyway we are doing just fine now

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I was a single teenage mom. I had my first four days before my senior year and still graduated at the top of my class. Then had the second and skipped the first semester of college to stay home. I lost like $1200 in a scholarship but still went on paying for college myself. Actually I had other scholarships and grants. Then went on to a four year college. One of the most expensive in the country and came out with $10,000 of debt and graduated with honors getting my own house senior year. It was hard but it pushed me to know that I had to do it to take care of them and to show those that thought I couldn't do it . Anyway we are doing just fine now

Who watched your kids while you were going to school?

[Hot dog]

My mom watched them when the 1st was an infant. She worked evenings so mostly he slept. Then an older sister moved home and I paid her to watch them. Then I got assistance while going to college and that paid for it. Then got a job and it slowly lowered to them paying less and me paying more as my pay increased.

[cicy33]

Cicy,

You make us feel so old - you are 40 and having your first grandchild. I turn 40 later this year and our 3rd child will be born in June (we will still be 39).

Truthfully, my wife is a bit jealous of Jamie Lynn Spears. She doesn't feel like she should be having a baby at 39 y.o.

A lot of this depends on the religious beleifs too. The Catholic Church for instance, beleives the sole reason for marriage to exist is to pro-create, finaances be damned (no pun intended).

So marriage at 21, followed by 8 kids is a life devoted to God.

Sorry! didn't mean to make anyone feel old! lol I love being a grandmother. it is too cool. Can I still say that? anyways, I don't feel 40. I still feel young which is a great benefit when you become a grandma young. When I got married at 16 I was not pregnant. We planned to wait two years before we had children. Ooops . Two months later I was pregnant. (for the young posters, pull out method does not work). I was okay with it he was not. We stayed together until she was 6 weeks old. So there I am 17, no license, no high school diploma, nothing. But I survived and am doing great now and she is fabulous. My daughter was 21 when she got pregnant so at least she waited longer than me. Having children as said above should not be about money it should be about love and the desire to create life. Children are as expensive as you make them. And exactly when did the rules say I had to pay for her college? If I can help great, if not then she has to use her head and figure it out like I did. I think it makes a better person when you have to pull yourself up. My daughter did not have a great first car. But she saved until she could buy a better car. She knew I was not going to hand her an expensive car. First of all she was 16, most kids wreck their first car. She didn't but lots of kids do. So I bought an older sturdier car.

[cicy33]

This is a picture of my granddaughter and daughter. Hope it works! But proof positive poor people can have babies and succeed!!!

[M-squared]

Not sure if anyone else touched on this point, but there is a hidden disadvantage of having kids later. Young children take a lot of your time, attention and energy (or at least they should). Either explicitly or implicitly this takes a hit to your career. It would be better theoretically to have that hit happen early in the low-earning phase of your career than at the peak-earning phase of your career, no?

Not necessarily. We waited until I was in my mid-30's to have kids. (who are now 2 and 4) Had we gotten pregnant sooner, I am sure that we would have played the cards were dealt, but for us, later was better. We are in a position to afford quality day care. We are also in a place in our careers where it is ok for us to take time off for kid related emergencies. I can't imagine how hard it would have been to have to try to balance work and babies 10 years ago.

[boefixepa]

Very interesting thread. To me it falls into the Orange Juice Category.... Let me explain.

When I left home to go to college there were 5 girls living in this basement apartment. Quite the adjustment, let me tell you. Well I learned that we each had a different way of making OJ from those concentrate tubes. I nuked mine (no it doesn't catch on fire), another one kept a container in the fridge, another soaked it hot water etc..etc.. you get the idea. No matter the method, in the end we all ended up with OJ. At first, I tried to tell them they were doing it 'wrong.' I finally came to the realization that none of us were 'wrong.' We were different, and that was just fine.

Each person is different, each person looks at things differently, each person has a different life, different priorities, different beliefs.

You can't make a blanket statement and think it will work for all people ... it won't. Though a face value it makes sense, it simply does not and will not work for all people. Or even most people for that matter.

As a general rule, I think OP has a point. However, most people do not see children in terms of money, they are so much more then that. So many 'intangable things. Wether they should or not, it just as debateable a point.

Take me, I would have happily gotten married and had kids earlier in life, but I didn't find my hubby until I was 31. I knew on our second date, that this would be the man I would marry. He was 30.

Fast forward a year. I am six weeks away from giving birth to our first child a week or so short of our first weeding anniversary. The baby was completely planned. As my hubby teases when I say it was his fault 'there was a computer program involved!' (I used a program to help track my cycle so I'd never need pills, and knew when I could concieve, best $20 I ever spent!) Some people would say that we should have waited longer to have kids, but we felt this was right ... FOR US. There are some couples that even I would say ... wait a few years.

I will be quiting on April 25th. We will be losing 1/2 our income because of this. Running rough numbers we figure it will cost me over one million dollars in lost income to stay home and raise our babies (hope to have 3 or 4) in the next 20 years ... probably more. I plan to a SAHM, a homeschooler, and make raising babies my job. Because that is what is important TO US. TO US you can't put a dollar value on that. Yes, I make enough to afford day care, good day care, and still take home decent money. But I WANT to raise my babies. I WANT to be there for all their milestones. etc.

Life happens, I may not get everything, or anything I want, for that matter. But this is plan, and this is what I am working for. I have seen all different kinds of approaches work and not work. Different strokes for different folks.

You can't make a blanket statement!

[cicy33]

I think the benefit to having children early is having the energy to deal with them. I have found out already that being a grandma is not nearly as easy as it was when I was a mother. I am exhausted so much quicker now. I was so much more energetic at 20 than now at 40. Fortunately I only get my granddaughter periodically so I have time to recoup between visits!

[Exile]

I read all these posts about people wanting to have "babies". Don't these young, financially ill-prepared wannabee parents realize that their infants will not stay that way and will require more expensive basics and amenities as they get older?

And as their children start developing their own personalities and try to become their own persons, how will their emotionally immature parents who weren't ready to have them in the first place deal with that? I think we all know the answer. Just look around at all the dysfunctional families in our society.

We all know--and perhaps you are one yourself--of people who wished they had waited before having children or not had them at all but just didn't think about it at the time, or had kids because they were pressured by family or because all their friends were doing it.

Don't children deserve a decent start in life and parents who are fully aware and committed to their responsibilities before hand?

[SnoopyCool]

We all know--and perhaps you are one yourself--of people who wished they had waited before having children or not had them at all but just didn't think about it at the time, or had kids because they were pressured by family or because all their friends were doing it.

Don't children deserve a decent start in life and parents who are fully aware and committed to their responsibilities before hand?

Exile - this isn't "at" you, but in response to your statement alone.

I believe that everyone deserves a "decent start" in life, but shame, shame, shame on those people who wish they did not have the children they did. How could you look at your child and say "I wish you were never born"? Or even secretly harbor that feeling? I can't imagine that.

Solve your problems, don't blame it on the children that didn't ask to be born to you or in whatever situation.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

There are a lot of people who regret kids my MIL is one. She hates my FIL so she wishes DH wasn't born then they wouldn't be married, etc.

And I have about 3-4 more friends the same. Lots of parents got "married" cause they got pregnant. And they resent what they had to give up to do so.

But hey it's life right?

[lmclanahan@verizon.net]

Cicy,



A lot of this depends on the religious beleifs too. The Catholic Church for instance, beleives the sole reason for marriage to exist is to pro-create, finaances be damned (no pun intended).

So marriage at 21, followed by 8 kids is a life devoted to God.

Wow, I just *cannot* let this one go by! We converted to the Catholic Church two years ago, and this statement is just NOT TRUE. Sorry, but this is how they get a bad rap!
The Catholic Church *is* against most forms of artificial birth control, especially the pill, because a fertilized egg (i.e. a miniature human being who already has a soul in their belief) may be discarded by its intended action. However, you are free to use NFP, which is about 99% effective, when used correctly, even *better* than the pill.
The whole gist is that you and your spouse are supposed to talk about and pray about this *monthly* and decide at that point if this is a good time to open the opportunity for life. If you think it is, and you have no serious reasons for not having a child, you go ahead. If you have a serious reason, INCLUDING FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, you are able to use NFP for that cycle, without fear of sin, or any kind of disapproval from the Catholic Church.
Your statement is simply wrong, sorry, but it is, and I cannot let it go unchallenged.
There are TONS of Catholic members who use NFP and do not have 8 or more children. I personally know at least 5 women right now who would LOVE to be blessed, and the Lord has just said no. For someone to look at their families and judge them, is so sad. They are open to life, but it is not to be. :-(
Many Catholic families *would* be larger, but they have secondary infertility. I am hoping right now that I am not one of them. :-( Your comment hurt me. I would love to have eight children, and it may not be in the cards for me. I will be 35 in June, and my oldest is now 14 1/2.

For the record, I married at 19, had our first a year later, next at 25, next at 32 and my youngest just turned two. We were very low income for years, but we stuck to it and bought a house after saving our money. Luckily, we bought just before the boom. Our houses' latest worth, even with the 15% losses we have seen here, is more than double what we paid. We drive used cars and shop at thrift stores. We have done well, our average income is about $45,000. We live in MD, which is expensive. We don't have a huge retirement fund, but my dh just became eligible for a 401K at work, which matches to 4%, and 50% for the next 2%. We plan on funding it fully.
My teenager is more expensive now, especially since we homeschool, which means lots of gas expenses for driving (no free bus) and classes/curriculum cost a lot too. He will start college classes next year at the local community college, and hopefully have the better part of an AA degree when he *graduates* from high school. He plans on being an engineer, as he likes to work with robotics.
We have a lot of other expenses too, but we keep them as low as we can, and go on with life. You plan for what you can, but you can't anticipate everything! I would never have planned my life like this at 19. I never knew it could be so great! :-)

Lea

[SnoopyCool]

But hey it's life right?

Respectfully, no.

[pearlieq]

I believe that everyone deserves a "decent start" in life, but shame, shame, shame on those people who wish they did not have the children they did. How could you look at your child and say "I wish you were never born"? Or even secretly harbor that feeling? I can't imagine that.

This is why we can never have an honest discussion of this issue.

There is too much stigma attached to admitting you regret having (more) children and too many people willing to very harshly judge someone who might feel that way.

I think it hurts us--it keeps us from having a discussion where we can explore all sides of an issue and learn from each other's experiences.

It not incompatible to love your children and still realize you would have been happier if you hadn't been a parent or hadn't had as many kids.

Don't be so quick to condem, and especially to condem so absolutely.