Ugh, the Jones'

[SnoopyCool]

We've been doing the best we can to be frugal recently and sometimes its frustrating to watch our friends or others we know go out and do fun things with their kids or just buy whatever they want. How do you curb the spend monster and other feelings of blah when it comes to saving money? We're trying to keep focused on the big picture but sometimes that doesn't make those feelings go away.

[disneysteve]

We just relish the fact that our finances are in great shape when so many around us are battling debt and struggling to make ends meet regardless of how much they earn. I'd much rather see our investment portfolio value climbing than stare at a 60-inch tv on the wall, or whatever consumer item you want to substitute. Plus, we take great vacations each year (on a budget, of course) while many around us "can't afford" to travel because they blow all their money on nonsense and status items.

[scfr]

Unless you see their balance statements, you really don't know what kind of financial shape "The Jonses" are in ... They may be, as that TV ad says, "In debt up to their eyeballs."

[PrincessPerky]

Sometimes I fail, and then I splurge, or go into a depressive rant...

Other times I think on how I wouldn't know what to do with the stuff anyway I am kinda antistuff....a good spring cleaning for donation helps.

Sometimes I think on how much better for the kids a free or lowcost splurge is (weekly trip to library, or park, or nature center, or something) Or an even better time investment is a board game, or card game, or charades or something. Thinking of the big picture in dollar signs to me is depressing, but thinking of the big picture in future kid mental health I like.

Sometimes I am terrible and think 'I bet they are in debt up to their ears' or horribly self righteous...'to myself or to my husband, never would say such rude things to anyone...least not so long as I bite my tongue, which the thing is downright numb from all the biting I do .. Not really very healthy of me, but usually keeps my wallet put away.

Other times a bit more healthy I think of what I would do if I made 50K...and not all of it would be smart....not all of what I do make is smart...anyway, then while noticing they make more than I do, and I would spend it if I had it to, I might also notice that I make more than most of the world, I have enough room, stuff and food for an army, as compared to average in say Vietnam, I live like a princess.

If one trick doesn't work, I hunt up a new one , never give up, and if you 'fall off the wagon' eh, get back on.

[vsjhoc]

Great post, Princess. I just started a thread about tongue biting!

I read an article somewhere recently (I thnk it was Oprah's O Magazine ... I never buy it, but Friend B has a subscription) ... it reminded me that my address does not have "Darfur" in it, or "Walter Reed Hospital," or the area of New Orleans that got wiped out. Then I felt pretty foolish for feeling so sorry for myself.

[Daylily]

Totally agree Vsjhoc. Whenever I start feeling sorry for myself because I don't have all my material wants satisfied, I think about all the 'things' I do have. These are not limited to material possessions. I am happy that I'm living in a free country. I am happy that I have my health and access to health care. I am happy that I wasn't forced into child labor. I am happy that I wasn't trafficed to sell my body. Etc.

[Snoopy2645]

I used to feel the same way but when you start seeing all those people file BK or working all the time or living off their parents when thier is no way you could do any of that you stop feeling sorry for yourself & start feeling lucky. SO many people we know have already filed bk at least once or live off thier parents or both that I just have comfort knowing we are being independent & forget about them people.

[SnoopyCool]

Thanks for all of the replies. I feel much better now that I've started to focus on our blessings and not what I "want" (I say "want" because it is only what I want now, but ask me next year and I probably will care less about it). We will not abandon our road to becoming financially fit!

[cschin4]

I really tend not to buy as much anymore because we just have way too much "stuff" already. And, I really don't want to keep track of anything else. And, over time, I have learned that 99% of the stuff we buy has a short useful life as we just really don't use it anyway, lose interest in it, go on to something, else, etc. So, mostly I know that it wouldn't be used for very long anyway and would be another thing to pick up off the floor.
As for the "big things". I do think we would like a big screen TV. And, I may get one eventually but haven't yet. But, I do try to buy the things I really want but shop around to get a good price. I don't "impulse" buy that much anymore and now will go home and think about it. So, most of the time I forget what it was that I wanted anyway!

[disneysteve]

working all the time

This is an important point. I know people who have beautiful homes, fancy cars, big screen tv, etc. But they work constantly to support the lifestyle they've chosen to live. The kids hardly ever see their fathers and don't see their mothers all that much either.

So not worth it to me. I'll stick with our old cars, smaller home, regular old appliances, etc. but be able to have my wife be a SAHM and have me in a job where I'm able to be home for dinner most nights, almost never have to travel without my family, get to attend my daughter's school events, chaperone girl scout trips, etc. That's worth far more than the stuff I could buy with more money.

[Scanner]

Well, I understand the split feelings on this because my wife really struggles with these feelings (is it a female feeling more. . .I don't know. . .I see a lot of guys get "toy-itis").

There's no magic to make it go away but I think probably the most potent medicine for the "materialistic woes" is to visit a sick child in a Children's hospital (through volunteering or Toys for Tots) and that has a bigggggggg way of putting things into perspective.

In fact, I bet you only need to dose that once or twice/year and those materialistic woes will be gone. Cured.

I consider our children's good health (other than seasonal allergies which our whole family deals with) the greatest asset our family has.

Still, that is what money is partially for - for things. Without things, money would just be paper.

Maybe you need to start a seperate savings account where you get something nice every 6-18 months - a vacation, lawn furniture, nice grill. . .whatever the Jonzez have and you want.

I saw a question to a money manager that went something like this:

Dear Financial Guru,

My 12 year old son just saved up enough money to get the mini-bike he wanted. Now, he's there and he wants to blow the whole amount on it. I feel like I should tell him to keep a little for savings for the future. Still, he worked hard for it.

What should I do?

ANSWER: Let him blow it on the mini-bike. The "buyer's regret" is an important feeling for him to experience as he gets older and will actually contribute to him being a saver.

Maybe this child's advice would be good for you - go blow it on something the Jonzez have and experience the thrill of owning it and then the inevitable let-down of owning Chinese manufactured crap.

I think too much denial ends up working against your goals.

Good luck.

[fairy74]

I just remember that the one person who I was always a little jealous of (i.e. she had the perfect house with a swimming pool a beautiful car, money never seemed to bother her, etc...) I found out later she had inherited a lot of money from her grandmother. I wasn't jealous anymore, because I realized she did not have the same financial challenges I did and was lucky but not necessarily a good financial manager...

[Scanner]

still. . .I wouldn't mind blowing $30,000 on one of these:

https://www.endlesspools.com

[Ima saver]

It is all just stuff!! It is a lot more fun to have no money worries in your life than to own a bunch of "stuff"

[jmjj215]

still. . .I wouldn't mind blowing $30,000 on one of these:

https://www.endlesspools.com

Man, I knew they were expensive but... what does a normal pool cost?

To the OP's original post - we're moving back to our "college town" and are excited about the prospect -- mainly because we won't be surrounded by people that are significantly more well-off than we are -- and thus avoiding the temptation to attempt to match their consumption.