I'm Not as Frugal As I Used to Be.

[disneysteve]

my in-laws were overly concerned all the time about MONEY. MONEY MONEY MONEY. The bottom line was always a dollar not spent was key.

Certainly what you describe is a problem to the point of being pathologic. Some people get really hung up on money and control issues with money and that isn't healthy for anyone, so I can see where your line of thinking comes from.

Personally, we aren't like that at all. We enjoy our money. We happily spend on things that are priorities for us, like travel. We go to Disney World annually, have taken 3 cruises in the past 5 years, spent 2 weeks in California in 05, a week in Vermont last year and will be doing 2 weeks in New Hampshire this summer. We donate regularly to our synagogue and other charities. We dine out regularly.

I expect that I'll get an inheritance when my mother dies, since I'm the sole heir, but there are no strings attached to that money. My mom is very generous now, often picking up the tab if we eat out or buying my daughter new clothes each season or whatever. And she vacations with us periodically as well.

I was raised in a much more balanced household. Saving for the future was important but enjoying today was also important. And I turned out the same way, and we're trying our best to raise our daughter the same way.

Another reason for saving regularly is so our daughter isn't stuck supporting us when we are elderly, a position many adults are now finding themselves in. You just need to find the balance that works for you and your family.

[thekid]

I'm in a similar situation with regards to in-laws, LivingAlmostLarge. Honestly, I wish the situation was very different as it really fudges your views on things.

I was raised in a middle class household. My parents where very responsible with their money, but still enjoyed their lives and let me have complete control over how I lived my life. My gf's parents seemed to be much more frugal (to a fault) and have always controlled my gf's spending habits (and more) through guilt. They are very, very generous with her, they just want to control her/us to be like them.

When I graduated, I had the chance to very quickly earn a high income. I upped my living standards some, but still saved a large portion of my income. I thought all was well. My gf was much more frugal and I really didn't know what the problem was. When we looked at our current financial situation and when we projected it to the future, all seemed very well. However, there was always this impulse to gather more /enjoy less from her side. It didn't sit too well with me. After a number of years, she let me know that her parents were multi-millionaires. They had successful small businesses and had always lived very frugally. From where they are at now, their very conservative portfolio returns many many times their living expenses. This actually let me to feel very inadequate. Everything seems to be relative and I passed from the viewpoint that I was doing well (was earning six figures and had saved close to 150K$ in the first 5 yrs of full time work) to the viewpoint that I was actually in a very insecure position. It became ridiculous. It has taken some adjustment, but my gf and I now seem to see eye to eye with regards to how to handle our personal finances. Every once in a while, differences still emerge with regards to long term goals. I just don't see the point of going down the path of her parents. Being financially independent at a fairly young age is great, not if the price to pay is to not live life. Like mentioned above, it can become pathological. A goal in of itself. It makes so little sense to me.

[JoyJoy]

[QUOTE=disneysteve;115436] Some people get really hung up on money and control issues with money and that isn't healthy for anyone,


As always a lot of logic in your posts, disneysteve! The keyword is CONTROL. I know it was in my aunt's case. My mother was never wealthy in her own right, but we were wealthy in knowing that we were loved and provided for to the best of her ability.

Having money is not a curse. Worshipping or thwarting someone's efforts to attain money because you want control of them to do as you say or please, to me is evil.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

JoyJoy, you say your aunt has amassed a fortune, and that she will use the entire fortune for her basic needs which is what nursing home care is. This does not seem like a negative thing to me. If nursing homes require a fortune and she needs a nursing home, then it is a darned good thing that she had the forsight to save for her elderly years. Who else could come up with the money to pay for her?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

See I think my parents have a healthy balance of trying to enjoy themselves while saving money. My dad still stays things ilke I want to leave it for the kids, but we say NO! Spend it and enjoy life. And yes part of it is because we are financially able to care for ourselves.

My parents travel a lot (ie japan every other month), have a couple of homes, provide for my grandmother a car and home, so I get having to save a lot of money. They had to or else they wouldn't be able to help my mother's parents. But if they worked this hard and didn't enjoy it I'd be so upset that they left me a ton of money but THEY never had fun.

And yes it's pathological. But I'm not sure that people realize that money is not the end all be all.

[JoyJoy]

JoyJoy, you say your aunt has amassed a fortune, and that she will use the entire fortune for her basic needs which is what nursing home care is. This does not seem like a negative thing to me. If nursing homes require a fortune and she needs a nursing home, then it is a darned good thing that she had the forsight to save for her elderly years. Who else could come up with the money to pay for her?

Oh I agree whole-heartedly with you Joan of the Arch had the money been all hers to save. I said I respected her decision but that doesn't mean I agreed with how she acquired it.

[Homebody]

Please don't assume because people don't spend their money they are not happy. It would make me unhappy to spend just to spend.

Having said that, we are way more frugal than we used to be probably because our kids are grown and those expensive child rearing years are behind us.

PS I have a clarinet and a piano too!

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Please don't assume because people don't spend their money they are not happy. It would make me unhappy to spend just to spend.

Having said that, we are way more frugal than we used to be probably because our kids are grown and those expensive child rearing years are behind us.

PS I have a clarinet and a piano too!

No, but how's this, Frugal is when you don't spend money and are happy with that decision and it doesn't affect OTHERS. Cheap is when you are frugal but it affects others to have to pay for you, or they are deprived.

Thus yes it might not make YOU unhappy but it makes everyone around you feel like running for cover. How's this going to eat at my in-laws house, for sure we go out to eat later and so does my BIL. And when friends are not invited over because that would mean DH would have to go out and buy more food and something for them to drink and napkins. I am the only person who drinks a glass of water with my meal at my in-laws. They are not bad people, but just CHEAP.

When they come to my house, I know DH feels comfortable offering any food or drink and we NEVER run out. At my in-laws they run out of FOOD. And yes I feel that is CHEAP. I am a bit overweight, could stand to lose 10 lbs I'm borderline BMI, but DH is a BMI of 18-19 and so is BIL. And they are always hungry when they go home. First thing we do when we visit is stop at the grocery store and buy some soda, juice, fruits, snacks, etc. That way they do not have to feed us, like I think they should.

Are they unhappy? Maybe not, but I think they make us unhappy, and if my parents treated DH like that I'd be embarrassed. But I don't say anything because I get how they are. They are so cheap that they often do things that embarrass us when we go out.