Did you consider spouse's spending habits before marriage?

**Fern** · 04-13-2007, 10:51 AM

I'm not married, but how someone I date approaches and manages money is certaiinly something i take note of. It's something i might privately weigh for a while, along with various other issues.

I have dated men who were very free and easy with thier money and didn't manage it well, and others who, like me, were more frugal.

I dont' think i would allow things to get serious with someone who didn't have a clue about finances. Too much risk. Maybe in my 20s i could indefinitely date someone who wasn't good with money as i was in no rush to get married, but these days, on some subconscious level, i would probably rule out someone earlier on if i saw that same trait. Probably becus I admire people who have their head together and have a clear understanding of their goals.

**GoodBuyGirl** · 04-13-2007, 10:53 AM

My husband and I are pretty much on the same wave when it comes to money. I have dated others in the past that were complete idiots financially. One was so bad he spent his last money on beer than wanted to borrow money from me for gas money to get to work. Yet I was made out to be the bad one for saying no.

**thekid** · 04-13-2007, 11:00 AM

Personal finance habits were not an issue in the early goings of my datings (before being with my long term gf, I was in my early 20s and really didn't look at spending habits of people I dated), but it certainly became an important criteria in the long term success of the relationship.

Common views on child raising, attitude towards familly, personal finance habits (which is so intertwined with sharing long term goals), willingness to seriously commit and a general happy demenour are probably the most important contributing factors the success of our long term relationship. These basic values are the key, much more than secondary interests.

Interestingly, we flip flopped! When we meet, she was more fiscally responsable than me. Now, I've caught up and surpassed her (or she caught up and surpassed me)...a little of both. We are however both close on the issue and committed to long term goals.

**DebbieL** · 04-13-2007, 11:01 AM

Yes, it was a big consideration to me. Both of us are very numbers oriented people. Actually he's the first person I ever dated who is as interested in budgetting, etc as I am.

**DayByDay** · 04-13-2007, 11:07 AM

I married at age 21 and didn't consider my own spending habits, let alone his. I "woke up" first when it hit me that I could not be a SAHM after my first child was born. DH has always liked to spend more than me, but he's now slowly coming around as he is getting older and thinking about wanting to be able to retire someday.

**crabbypatty** · 04-13-2007, 11:15 AM

I agree that the age you get married probably plays a part. I knew the financial differences between myself and my (potential) spouse. But I didn't realize what that meant for us long-term.

Despite the fact that we have investment differences, we're still on the same page in the big picture. Debt averse and frugal with spending in most area's.

**thekid** · 04-13-2007, 11:27 AM

Originally posted by crabbypatty View Post

Despite the fact that we have investment differences, we're still on the same page in the big picture. Debt averse and frugal with spending in most area's.

Well said, same here.

**gackle** · 04-13-2007, 11:44 AM

No, I did not make my wife's finances an important part of my decision, but then again I'm more mature now than I was then. She wasn't loose with the money, but she did have about $2500 in credit card debt if I remember correctly and about $40K in student loans. She realized during college the folly of her ways and worked to get out of debt. I don't view the student loans as being irresponsible because it was a means to an end (plus if she hadn't taken out the loans we would have never met in college!). If I was single today I think I would say that spending habits matter, but then again love/infatuation is a very powerful emotion that can make people's minds turn to mush before you can say "I'M DEBT FREEEEEE!"

**nanamom** · 04-13-2007, 12:08 PM

Did I become aware of them, yes
Did it make a difference in whether I married him? NO
he shared my views on Faith, children, and I figure the rest can be learned. And he wanted to learn.
He was 60,000 dollars in debt and a really bad money manager.

**Ima saver** · 04-13-2007, 12:27 PM

My first husband was very bad with money. I made sure that current husband was Not a spender and Was a very hard worker, before we married.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 04-13-2007, 01:30 PM

I was sort of youngish when I meet DH and it wasn't an important criteria when we were first dating. Having fun at 20 was though. I think the same for him. As we grew up and matured, we shared a lot of the same values. In the beginning though what drew us together was having a lot of the same interests, fun together, etc.

I guess now it would matter when I meet a man, but when you meet someone so young it's sort of hard to know KWIM?

But I will say this much, other dating experiences before DH I was only having a good time. There wasn't anyone else I was serious with, and thinking back I have no idea if those 16-20-something boys ever grew up and were serious about money. I hope they are now. Possibly not.

But really were you that responsible at 20? I never had debt, but I wouldn't say I was responsible or mature.

**crabbypatty** · 04-13-2007, 02:25 PM

Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post

I was sort of youngish when I meet DH and it wasn't an important criteria when we were first dating. Having fun at 20 was though. I think the same for him. As we grew up and matured, we shared a lot of the same values. In the beginning though what drew us together was having a lot of the same interests, fun together, etc.

I guess now it would matter when I meet a man, but when you meet someone so young it's sort of hard to know KWIM?

But I will say this much, other dating experiences before DH I was only having a good time. There wasn't anyone else I was serious with, and thinking back I have no idea if those 16-20-something boys ever grew up and were serious about money. I hope they are now. Possibly not.

But really were you that responsible at 20? I never had debt, but I wouldn't say I was responsible or mature.

It's funny that you bring up the ex factor. If I think about it, DH is now and was then more financially responsible than other men I had dated. (if you live in your hometown you sometimes know these things)

**ktmarvels** · 04-13-2007, 03:13 PM

DH and I met when we were 19 and both in college. We did talk about our finances and we were both pretty much on the same as far as spending. I think our discussions about finances helped to solidify our decision, but I don't know how much of a factor it would have been if we had completely different views on money.

**JoyJoy** · 04-13-2007, 06:55 PM

Hubby and I were definitely not on the same page when we first met. He was a spender and I was a limited saver. Limited in that I was paying a big buck for meds and treatment due to being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I can say that hubby wined and dined me and I loved it!! We married and I relocated to New York from Michigan. I was given the job of money manager as my husband admired how frugal I was and also his two sons were very pleased that there was some "law and order" around the home! No more take-out taxis meals, Burger Kings and McDonald meals. Plain home cooking was accepted by all!

Things did change once hubby retired as we elected to split the bills up. He took on some of my money management ways and he is a good money manager. He still spends from time to time but out of his own checking account! I admire how he plans what he purchases now instead of jumping feet first into spending.

Life is good.

Did you consider spouse's spending habits before marriage?