Moral Delimma

[boefixepa]

Part One -

Okay, this may be a little long but hang in there with me.

I often fell stuck between a thousand rocks and hard places as I try and balance these two pointsof view. I feel strongly about each, but they seems like they are on different ends of the spectrum. How do you guys feel about it and how do you strike the balance? I was reading this entry on Ima’s blog when I decided to start this thread.

http://imasaver.savingadvice.com/2007/02/05/buying-baby-clothes_21852/

I honestly feel for this young mother, and I don’t know her situation. However, the first thought was: 19 years old! and two children under the age of 1! What was she thinking! Then of course came the thought: what can I do to help, of course I will.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Moral Delimma

My eventual feeling is that 'what were you thinking' is a little late....

Honestly I have done plenty of stupid things in my time, and 'there but for the grace of God' applies, I could be her, it wasn't brains that kept me out of her situation it was 'providence'.

That said, I try to avoid showering people with things, food sure, basic clothes sure (and baby clothes are fun!) but a PS3 to a kid who might not get christmas? Nope call me stingy but I think said kid should be happy with anything and dinner......(and yes on the angel tree at church they have such requests, I don't fill them, I go with toys for tots who doesn't seem to mind if the price tag on the toy is about what I would spend on my kid)

[Fern]

Re: Moral Delimma

Sure sounds like she could use some help.

As long as you can ascertain that this is, in fact, a legitimate case of someone needing help and not a scam, i think it very generous of anyone who can help.

[Fern]

Re: Moral Delimma

I don't see the 'moral dilemma.'

[pearlieq]

Re: Moral Delimma

Just so I understand, is your dilemma that you're caught between "How can I help this girl?" and "She made her bed, now she's got to lie in it"?

[Fern]

Re: Moral Delimma

What's troubling is that there seems to be some underlying implied statement here that perhaps she shouldn't be helped becus she got pregnant at such a young age. What's wrong with that? She was married, and even if she wasn't, so what?

Again, i have no idea what the moral dilemma might be in helping this person, if one is so inclined.

[boefixepa]

Re: Moral Delimma

I am having problems and can not get into edit or complete the 'moral delimma' part of the the post....Please disregard what I have up there as it NOT the issue I am trying to talk about!!

[boefixepa]

Re: Moral Delimma

Does it cause problems with the web system to copy and past things into the replay area??? I keep getting some error???? IT'S FRUSTRATING ME!

[nanamom]

Re: Moral Delimma

i try very hard to not judge and i think of helping the little ones more than the adult. Whether she sould have had the kids or not isn't the issue, the issue is those kids need a bit of love and when I find someone in that situation I try to help.

[Ima saver]

Re: Moral Delimma

We first heard of her when she put an ad on our forum looking for work. She needed a job where she could take her two babies because her mother was blind and could not watch them. We suggested cleaning cabins or delivering newspapers.
The owner of the forum does know who she is and this is legit.
Yes, I think it was foolish to have two babies so young, but I am sure she did not think her husband would leave her.
Now, she has two babies with no clothes or diapers, so we are helping her out.

What goes around comes around, I believe and I hope her situation improves.

The new baby was born last week and named angel.

[boefixepa]

Re: Moral Delimma

I'm so glad the baby is doing well Ima, and I don't fault her at all. What I was trying, unsucessfully I might add, was to discus try to balance helping others and being kind and generous, but at the same time not taking away the consequences of another's choices. Trust me I explained it much better in what I typed up. I typed up a nice post in word perfect and then tried to copy it over and it keep getting an error Invalid Thread Specified??? I must of tried a dozen times! When I was reading your blig that personal conflict I often feel surfaced again, so I used it as an example to start the discussion....but I just posted the example and not the discussion part. I don't want to retype the whole thing and am so frustrated I've just given up for now.

[Snoopy2645]

Re: Moral Delimma

I agree I try not to judge others sometimes its so hard not too. I have also tried to help by giving things to others. I get so much free stuff or super cheap stuff, I figure if I can give it to someone who needs it more than me its the least I can do. I dont feel like these people are in these situations because they are lazy sometimes its because they are uneducated no one taught them money/life skills. Which is very sad, I am so lucky I had such a great family or I myself would have never made it. And sometimes like this young mom its because they thought they had the american dream only to be dumped with small kids by thier once loving husbands & that happens all the time.

I am so glad I worked & went to college before I got married I have something to fall back on when my mom & grandma were younger girls got married & dropped out of school never had jobs in their life so they really were "stuck" ya know. My grandma talked about that alot when she was alive.

[ozzy gurl]

Re: Moral Delimma

I feel very badly for that girl and her situation. But honestly, I know so many girls who get themselves into a very similar situation, the song gets old after some time. Most of the girls I went to high school with (still 20 and 21) are at least married, if not mothers. I don't understand the rush, especially when they're complaining of their "husbands" never being home, and when they come home, they're drunk. I think so many girls have the desire to 'play house', they don't think that it's not a game when you're older and have children involved.

[fairy74]

Re: Moral Delimma

One way to solve this moral dilema is only to give when you feel complete at ease doing so. If you feel negativity about a particular person's situation, walk away from it and find a situation that you feel more comfortable with (there are plenty of blind widowers who also need assistance). I just believe it is better to give with all your heart, then to give and feel irritation at the person being in that situation. Kudos to Ima for doing what she felt was best, that is very kind, but only do it if you feel good about it.

[katwoman]

Re: Moral Delimma

The best way to help someone like this is to literally go with her to a local government office and sign her up for food stamps/WIC. Then try to get her assistance with rent/utilities. In emergency cases the Salvation Army will help with utilities. They also help with food on a monthly basis.

Does she have a high school diploma or a GED? If so great! Then, someone can sit down with her and have a heart to heart about going back to school if for only a certificate that will get her a job. Heck, there are courses that you can take that'll get you in the door after only a semester! Pharmacy tech, CNA, venipucture, etc. Given her situation she would easily qualify for a grant. Depending on the institution, free childcare may be available.

Planned parenthood could help her with birth control.

Her mothers blindness would qualify the mother for disability and food stamps.

I believe in a hand up and not a hand down. There was a time when the Salvation Army helped me with utilities and I've never forgotten it. Their generosity to me has been and will be repaid many times over.