Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

[Elgin526]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Elgin - We did work the opposite shifts til my oldest was about a year old. Dh had a hard time because once you have kids you realize after they are past being a newborn they are working on becomming more mobile & demad more of your attention. As you just can't leave them in a crib all day while dh naps KWIM? It got too hard for dh to work night shift & get a decent nights sleep as he worked from 7pm - 7am & I worked from 9-5. We saw just enought of each other to give each other a hug & kiss be on our way out the door.

That's why I'm thinking we'll have to have child care of some sort in the mornings so DH can sleep. Once past the infant stage the baby is going to be awake most of the day. I'll be able to sleep at night when the baby does (heck I'm sleepy at 8 PM and want to go to bed then now, shouldn't be an issue when we have kids!), but someone will need to be awake during the majority of the day. If we have moring child care, he can sleep in the morning after work, then take over child duty at around noon, catching a nap in the afternoon when the baby does, or naping after I get home and before he has to work.

[pearlieq]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I am suprised at who is on which side of daycare...Some people I would have thought anti are for, and others I would have thought for are anti.

Why does there have to be a side??????

It eludes me that rational adults can't just say "You do what's best for your family, and I'll do what's best for mine". And then stop there.

I can't believe how comfortable some people here feel passing judgment and declaring what is "right", "wrong", or "better". I think that smacks of an arrogance which is both offensive and very dangerous.

I'm really disappointed in a lot of what I've seen here.

[jodi]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

This topic never ends well...frankly, it never ends, period. The discussion will be going strong and heated 100 years from now. I think a lot has been said and everyone is in agreement that no feelings are meant to be hurt, but it's probably unavoidable when this topic is being discussed. I, for one, am opting out of this thread, and won't be disappointed if it fades away.

[boefixepa]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Pear? (or anyone else)

A side question, nothing really to do with the initial topic, but I've reread all the posts just to check it; and I still don't understand?

Where we not asked to share what we feel? - Granted we took it a bit further than costs..

Are we all not entitled to our opinion? - Granted some are better with tact, wording, forcefullness, etc...

I feel the overall feel of the thread is exactly what you said you wanted...do what you feel is best for yours...

Different people feel differntly and the question is an emtionally charged one in the first place. I am curious as to where the disappointment stems from? Did you not want people to express how they felt? Would you have been more pleased if no one responded in fear of perhaps offending someone? I don't think people where attacking at all, expressing strong feelings, yes. But don't you have strong feelings about your children?

I have no desire to offend, so please let me know how I could share the depth of my feelings without offending. With money or finance it is much easier than children, I can just shrug my shoulders and say oh well, it's just money. I could never do that about the well being of my children...so I am really at a loss. Since I really appreciate the support and advice I get here, I would really like to know. I don't want to be afraid to share what I feel for fear of offending.

There may honestly be no way to do this too....you can't please everyone...

Thanks

[pearlieq]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

boefixepa, your post inspired me to reread the entire thread, and I think you're right. Almost everyone here explained their personal feelings and their personal choice without casting judgment on anyone else. I have absolutely, 100%, no problem with that and I think we're all entitled to share our feelings and thoughts on the idea.

In re-reading, the only comments I found that crossed the line from explaining what personally works for them to passing judgment or making pronouncements about what other people should do were PrincessPerky's.

Personally, I find that offensive, but really, what's it to me? It doesn't really have any effect on my life, so c'est la vie, I suppose.

I think it's time for me to "change the channel", so to speak, and get on with my day!

[DivaJen]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I think what is helpful for in these types of debates is to remember that there are always shades of gray. There is no absolute right and absolute wrong, as much as some might wish for it!

We can all certainly have an opinion. If we try to act in accordance with our thoughts and values, then at least we're living our lives wtih some integrity.

[b4freedom]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I have a couple of questions for both sides. Can you please say what you are when answering.

For stay at home moms (or dads!):
At what age should kids not be at home anymore? What's the difference between a 4 year old going to pre-school and a 5 year old going to all day kindergarten? What structured activities do you do with your kids during the day? What does a typical day look like for your kids between the ages of 6 months to 5 years when they are home with you?

For working moms with kids in day care:
Would you rather stay at home? Do you think it's healthier for your kids to be in day care or at home? Do you think your kids learn different skills by going to day care? Would you prefer a day care center like the Godard School or a in-house provider or nursery? What is the average cost in your area? What are you paying?

[mccartygirl]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

b4 - I wonder the same thing about when it's okay to take the kids to school.

For us - For the healthier part - DD was sick often after her first birthday, it lasted for about 6 months - sick on and off. Now she hasn't been sick for quite some time. She didn't start full time daycare until she was 7 months. I don't know that she has learned different skills, we work with her at home on a lot of things. I will say that she has learned things that we never thought about showing/telling her. I'm not sure what the Godard School is but I will go check it out . . . . We pay $800/month, when she was in the infant room it was $910/month. I think that is the average for our area.

[cschin4]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Alot of fuzzy math based on daycare expenses. You can't only look at the cost of daycare and your income. When you quit your job, you are losing potential retirement income, income contributed to your future Social Security, other benefits, years of work experience etc. And, daycare expenses are temporary, when your child goes to school, those expenses will drop dramatically. But, we can all run the numbers anyway we want to come up with the answer we want. Frankly, I am sick of the whole SAHm/WAHM debates. It always turns into alot of moralizing and mudslinging. Most families are trying to do their best for their families. For some that means working full-time, part time, temp or whatever. For some it means staying home. The problem is when others sniff their nose at those who made different decisions than they would have.

[b4freedom]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

When you quit your job, you are losing potential retirement income, income contributed to your future Social Security, other benefits, years of work experience etc. And, daycare expenses are temporary, when your child goes to school, those expenses will drop dramatically. But, we can all run the numbers anyway we want to come up with the answer we want.

This actually hits home. My mother was a SAHM with six kids in Utah. When I was twelve my dad left. Although we weren't living much above poverty before he left, we were in instant poverty when this he did leave. We moved in with Grandma and Grandpa. While my grandparents raised us, my mom went to school at night and worked all day. We'd see her maybe 2 hours a week. She probably only got 4 hours of sleep per night. So much for a happy family and being able to see mom or dad.

Being a SAHM leaves you financially vulnerable. Although no one thinks it'll ever happen to them. My mom is 65 and wants to retire, however she can't because she has no savings, she doesn't have enough years in to earn a pension, she doesn't have enough years in to get medical, etc. This happens so often to so many women. You stay at home to raise your family, but when the main provider is gone, you can't earn enough because you either haven't been in the work force for so long that you have to start from scratch or your credentials (your degree) are too old. Of course, you could always argue that the former husband should pay child support. My dad was ordered to pay $300/month in child support ($50/kid/month). We ate $400/week in food. And I'm talking about oatmeal and potatoes. But, he only paid twice over 20+ years. He went to another state and worked under the table jobs to avoid paying.

[Kris10Leigh]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Interesting questions be4math!

To reiterate where I am coming from: I am a working mom. My boys have been in daycare from 4 months and 6 weeks. (6 weeks was just heart renching! It was not a planned pregnancy, and therefore his birth was poorly timed! But what a blessing he is!)

We chose a private sitter for them when they were tiny. I hated the daycare scene. It was based on just what my heart felt. There was no concrete reason for my feelings there. I wanted nothing more than to be at home with them, but it wasn't a choice for us. I got to be home with them all summer.

Which do I think is healthier? Doesn't matter. My kids get sick 2-3 times per year and have been like that since birth. Illnesses rarely last more than a day and rarely require doctor's visits. I feel that they are healthier now BECAUSE they've been around other children.

I feel like daycare has been great for their social skills. Our oldest son especially needed that extra encouragement of being around children all the time. My youngest would have been fine either way.

I think the kids have learned a lot! Daycare is much more structured than I am at home. I've tried "home schooling" sort of as we try to practice skills over the summer. It always fizzles. But at daycare, it is part of the routine and they respond to people who aren't mom and dad.

Average cost varies so much!
Private care was $100/wk per child
Daycare right now is $115/wk and that is on the low end.

[MonkeyMama]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I have a couple of questions for both sides. Can you please say what you are when answering.

For stay at home moms (or dads!):
At what age should kids not be at home anymore? What's the difference between a 4 year old going to pre-school and a 5 year old going to all day kindergarten? What structured activities do you do with your kids during the day? What does a typical day look like for your kids between the ages of 6 months to 5 years when they are home with you?

For working moms with kids in day care:
What are you paying?

I just wanted to say I didn't consider daycare an option before I had kids and my mind changes since having kids. I say that because my son is in daycrae 2 days a week, since he was about 2.5. I would have started sooner if we could have afforded it - he thrives with it. My younger son may not be ready for that environment until he is 5 and in K - every kid is so DIFFERENT.

I am not sure what my dh does with the kids all day. But the younger one gets far more care than he would in a center, and the older one is pretty much what I called home-schooled. He goes to "preschool" for the socialization and to get messy and have fun because my dh does not like mess. IT is not academic in the least. But at home they do science experiments and he already know how to read, etc. Plus going to the park and playgroups, etc. Dh puts a lot of effort into their development and learning. I have no interest in paying for academic school when we can teach them all that at home. Socially he has thrived tenfold since starting "school". His preschool is just an in-home daycare, but the best choice for him after months of searching.

All the kids I know with dads at home are very bright. I notice with my dh he is very focused on learning, more than I would be as a SAHM probably. I guess it's a man thing.

Care for 2 kids averages $2k/month where we live - it is a very pricey area. It is just too cost prohibitive to work. $24k to daycare & $11k to taxes if my husband made $35k - leaves 0 at the end of the day. Not even counting gas and incidental working expenses. Yes we give up a lot of financial security - but so it goes with having children - it is not a frugal thing to do - have kids. LOL. Obviously if my hubby made 60k it wouldn't be so cut and dry. & if we really needed his income we could hire a nanny or other options.

Oh yeah - what I find so silly is the debate is often over the first 2 years of a child's life. It amazes me how many women who have been snotty that I work think nothing of putting their kids in FT daycare when they turn 1 or 2. ????? In the end it is a silly debate most of the time. Maybe its a silly debate period. I wonder about people who worry too much about what everyone else is doing. Energy wasted really. As long as you do what you feel is best for your kids, what else can you do? Or beyond that if you are just doing what you can to get by...

[getforfree]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

My mom was a SAHM, and I see that I am not a people person, even tho we had 5 kids in a family, I always wanted to be alone, and I still enjoy my alone time whenever I can get it.

Now I look at my kids, they don't play with other kids when we have visitors. My 3yr old son is more likely to try to play with adults and ignore other kids especcialy if they are babies. They don't even like to play with each other, one will play in one corner, and the other will do something different. DS started sunday school on sundays, so he would be with other kids at least an hr a week. When I take them to the playground, they don't want to play with other kids either, they want to play with me.

So, I don't know if they are that way because I am like that, or it's because they don't interact much with other children.

[Gruntina]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

My SO made a promise to contribute to my Roth IRA while I am a sahm. That is one little security in a sense. I also plan to do an online course to maintain the modern day technology that is needed for my work in the case I go back to the working world. Yes it’s a sacrifice and depending on the SO for a little while, but I see that as Parnernship/Familyand children so it’s not solely for the children sake. The same time I am scared because I am used to working at good jobs, making my own income and contributing for retirement. But I have to remind myself that I do not live for the company I work at and life is short!

[Bluezy]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Well fellow mums, God bless the ones who can stay at home, as well as the ones that have to work. Remember to keep your independance the best way you can, either through some type of small savings or odd job that can be done through data entry, etc.

Gruntina - Decent companies will provide you family time as a single mum. I am personally changing jobs on 10-13-06 to a firm that offers health insurance, 401K, profit sharing and generous family time. Circulate your resume to companies in your area and see what is being offered for families. It never hurts to find out what out there...you just might stumble on a job that will alllow you to work out of your home!