Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

[geojen]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

DH and I don't have children yet, but we have been discussing this very issue already. Both of our mom's stayed home with us until we were in 3rd or 4th grade, and we both loved it. We want that for our kids too. We don't want a daycare raising our child. The hard part is deciding who would stay home. Right now, I am in grad school working on my master's degree, with the hopes of getting a cushy federal government job for the natural resource conservation service, and DH is a machinist. I want to stay home with my kids, but feel like I should work because I went through all this work to get a degree and the job I want. DH could stay home, but I think I would be jealous...plus I don't know if he could keep the house up!!

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Heh, how about a cushy part time job, and you each stay home different hours..or a fit in when ready consultant job...or a weekend job...there are alternatives to one person staying home full time.

[Gruntina]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I plan on to be a SAHM when the time comes. If I stayed at my job, I would be working to just keep my Job itself when I want to be home to raise my child. I do not want someone else to raise them for me. With what is going on in today's world and day care and schools, I hope my at home time with them would help their foundation in thinking what is right and what is wrong rather trusting that in another unknown person.

At the same time, I worry about my future with having job year’s gap in experiences, not contributing to 401K or savings. But you don't take any of those when you leave the world. I like work... but I don't live to work only. It just a part of my life and not my sole reason. It really all depends on how trustworthy and dependable your spouse is to be able to be the provider in other things and work out as a team. Also a spouse that understand its hard work and allow breaks and time with friends when needed.

[Dixiechick]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I am not anti-day care, but I'm also not pro-day care either. I do believe that there are those who have no choice but to use those services. When my daughter was young (2 yrs old, after getting my BS degree), there was no option for me but for day care. I HAD to work - per my ex. I made more money than he did but for him to stay home with her was also not an option. He absolutely wouldn't be Mr. Mom. He also absolutely believed that I should work or more than likely, there'd be a divorce. Anyway, I'm glad I did work because we're divorced now and I have a very good paying job with excellent benefits. My daughter's in college now and my son is 10. As much as I wished I could have stayed home with either or both of them, there are some husbands/dads where that isn't an option. And I'm also glad I did work or I wouldn't be in such a good financial situation that I'm in now. So, all you young single women out there...know how your future husband feels about this subject!

What I find funny is that my ex's Mom was a SAHM and he couldn't have imagined growing up any other way. But that didn't translate over to our family. Money mattered more to him....

My kids have turned out great and both loved their daycare. But then again, not all daycares are made the same!!! Investigate them thoroughly!

Dixie

[MonkeyMama]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Ahh, but I know many who hd no choice and decided to start their own daycare. Then again you have to like kids and it does still take away from time with your child. I know personally I would rather work outside the home than resort to that. I do not do kids, besides my own. But there are so many opions out there if you really feel it is important to be home with the kids. My older son is in daycare/preschool 2 days a week and actually I Am totally in love with the place. The woman started an in-home preschool 20 years ago when she was a single mom so she could be home with her kids. But she loves it so much she continues though her kids are grown.

Gruntina - it is good you are thinking about these things though. My husband has been home 4 years. He tried to find a minimum wage last year - temp - when my maternity leave was unexpectedly extended and came up against a lot of discrimination about his lack of working for a few years. Originally he was going to stay home until the youngest was in kindergarten, and then maybe one of us work FT and one PT. After all my raises the last few years and his experience looking for just a grunt job for a little extra income, I am starting to think he may not ever return to work. IF that is what he runs up for minimum wage job, I Can't imagine the trouble he will find in his field with such a large gap - it will be 8 years no work by the time the younkest is in kinder. In the meantime he is using the time to try to break into another field. He may return to school for a while as well... It is tough overall to have such a gap in employment, but planning ahead can lessen the blow. I wish we had planned ahead better.

[frugalmomof1]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

When I was pregnant I had every intention of putting my baby in a daycare, but when I started researching the daycares in the area I was shocked that they were charging $180+ for an infant.
When I told that to a very good friend of mine that owned an in home daycare for years, she offered to watch the baby free of charge. This only worked out for 2 months...I found out she would basically ignore my baby all day...and she was a GOOD FRIEND!!! I am not sure I will be able to trust anyone but family to watch DS ever again.
So I made the switch to 2nd shift, and DH stayed on first. Although this arrangement is not perfect I am so glad to spend all of this time with DS. Before I switched to nights I saw him only 3 hours a day.

[budgetmom]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Seems as if the members of this board have been reading my mind. This has been a subject that has been weighing heavily on it for the last few months. I am completely anti-daycare when it ends up being at the expense of your family life. I think that it is extremely important to be able to have time set aside to interact as a family, not just running around to different extra curricular activities that your kid is involved in and then dinner and bed. It is so important to be able to have time to just hang out together and play and learn about each other. I see so many people (and I have family members included in this bunch) who spend about an hour or so a day with their kids, and that is usually getting them to eat their dinner, take a bath and go to bed. But there are many others who do take the time to spend with thier families and I applaude all that do, and in that regard I am pro-daycare. It can be extremely hard juggling time.
I am a SAHM because of costs, and because I want to be the one who raises my children. I love spending time with them as they grow into their own personalities. If I went back to work full time with my job skills at this point my income would not even cover the daycare cost. I really don't want to go back to work, but there are many reasons that I feel it is time to. I'm starting to feel isolated and out of touch with the world the more I am at home. I live in a large city and don't have many friends. Equally, my children are suffering because they are not interacting with other children, besides each other. We can not afford to have me not work anymore. One income with entry level wages is just not enough to be able to provide for a family. I tried doing the in home daycare thing, but it didn't work out. So now I am looking for work part time for the hours that my DH is not working.

[MonkeyMama]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Heh, how about a cushy part time job, and you each stay home different hours..or a fit in when ready consultant job...or a weekend job...there are alternatives to one person staying home full time.

That is true. The HAPPIEST people I know both work part-time. I thought at one time I would be working part-time and I know my husband would love to get out of the house more. It does seem the best of both worlds. BUT though I don't really have any benefits, the few I do have would push us over to give them up. No vacation, no sick time, my professional education and dues would not be paid for. We haven't worked it out yet but I envision we may be able to work it out in the future. Overall society does not reward parents who want to be home with their kids. Employers certainly don't. I still can't exactly wrap my brain around why my co-worker who works 30 hours most of the year and 40 hours + during busy season is denied every little benefit. It's crazy. She works as hard as any of us. But that's the way business is I guess. Seems like there could be a compromise. Oh well, probably why I will eventually get a government job. The part-time benefits are pretty nice. In the meantime I am just grateful I Work in an office where I could switch to PT when I Decide I am ready. IT is not an option for many people.

I know a lot of people who work opposite shifts as well. If I had to I would. But I think that kind of life really sucks. It sucks never to see your spouse. But at least you know your kids are well cared for. PArents make a lot of difficult decisions...

[jodi]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

That is true. The HAPPIEST people I know both work part-time.

I guess I am one of those people with a cushy job I work for the state of NY doing service coordination for people with disabilities. I work 20 hours per week. I just got a raise and am making more PT than I made in my previous job FT at a non-profit. I get full benefits. I get pro-rated vacation, personal, and sick leave. I don't work holidays or weekends. I am SO lucky to have found this position. I would suggest to anyone looking for a secure position to take any civil service test for which they are qualified (federal, state, and county). You never know what might turn up. I have never even considered working with this population until I got the canvas letter from the Civil Service Commission asking me if I was interested. It was 2 months after my first child was born and I was not planning to go back to work, but the pay and benefits was too tempting, so I called for an interview. Three years later, I'm still there. I don't know if I can ever go back to working FT, at least until my boys are much older. Always keep your options open and look around - you never know what you might find!

[Gruntina]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I have another thought I might add... for me it would be a cost saver to save at home but only because I will have all debts and I do mean ALL debts paid off by the time I was to have a Child. But not only taking care of the child would be my SAHM responsibilities, I would (as discussed with my SO) that I would be the bookkeeper, bill payer, research on how to save on home utilities and so on as well as meals. The biggest reason for that is I don’t want to go food shopping or make dinner while the SO is home so we have more time for fun stuff and gardening and weekend things.

By the time the kids are ready for school, I have decided to make a huge sacrifice and hopefully it works out that I will home schools my children. There are amazing programs going on for that and you can get together with other parents who also home school children to take turn teaching and socialization for both the kids and parents. But that is more for wanting a more fulfillment life and closer knit family (Not for everyone I know) on that end for me than for a financial issue.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Hey no reason we can't homeschool for finances and for other reasons

[Gruntina]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Hey no reason we can't homeschool for finances and for other reasons

Home school average $2000.00 per year per kid. I am not sure if there are any tax benefits to that so I do not know if this would help finances in any ways.

Child still needs socializations and engagement of sports, music and etc so I am not sure the cost of that compared to public schools.

I have much research to go on this one.

[mccartygirl]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I disagree with a lot said about daycare. It is the same old debate Working vs SAHM, breastfed vs. bottle, homeschool vs. public. I'm going to be in the minority and that's okay. I am/was a little offended about some of the comments regarding choosing daycare vs. staying home. I chose to keep working because I want to pay for my kids college, we want to take them on nice trips and show them the world. I believe that it is QUALITY not QUANTITY. There are people who stay home with their kids and rarely spend that time with their kids, they're on the net, watching tv, etc. DH and I have very flexible hours, our child is not in daycare more than 35 hours per week. She goes to bed at 9-9:30 pm and we have no stress mornings, she gets up when she gets up. Rarely do we wake her up to get her into daycare. She usually gets to daycare around 9 am and picked up at 3 pm. She's there long enough to play with her friends, eat lunch and take a nap. DH can work from home if need be and I can take days off whenever I want. I rarely work a full 40 hours and we take many trips together as a family, something that might not be possible if I didn't work. Trips aren't important to some but to us they are. Every moment DD isn't in daycare she is with us. My child is highly intelligent, very social and doesn't cry when we take her places - Perky used the Sunday school but my example is dance and gymnastics class, she is very comfortable going with the teacher and doesn't scream for mommy.

We also work at home with her in regards to her alphabet, numbers, etc - on top of the stuff she is learning at daycare. She can read certain words already and she's 2 1/2. She could write her name before she was 2. I have a friend who has a son that is the same age, he can't speak yet and isn't nearly as far along as DD, he's home with a parent. She is now thinking of daycare to get him some socialization. I think as with everything else - you get out what you put in.

this is not politically correct and I am sorry if it offends, but if you had kids raise them, if you don't want to, why have them? borrow someone elses for an hour or two a day...

I'm not sure what is meant by this but we are raising our child, even though she goes to daycare. It seems very judgemental to assume just because my child is in daycare doesn't mean I'm not raising her. I also wonder your feelings on preschool. I know you're homeschooling but if you weren't - do you think preschool is raising the child? She would be in preschool the same amount of time that she's in daycare. So I guess then she's being raised by preschool. When she's onto regular school, even though we'll be dropping off and picking up - no latchkey, not that there is anything wrong with that, then school will be raising my child??? I'm confused as to where you draw the line.

My whole point is that there are positive AND negative points to both sides. The only right answer is what is right for your family.

[JanH]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

MCCartygirl: Sounds like you have done a great job balancing everything to the benefit of your child and your family. Good for you!

[Snoopy2645]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Well I work pt & its turning into a nice balance for me. I would like to go back to a good career or whatever you might say but thier is NO WAY I could put my kids in daycare working pt I dont have too although I work a cruddy demo job I am making more money per hour than anywhere else I could work & my kids are not in daycare. We do lots of fun stuff together all free stuff!!! I would love to have more money for trips like above poster sometimes quanity vs quality but I know exactly where you are coming from but I couldnt put my child in daycare just couldnt do it so I am staying home until youngest dd starts school.

My oldest dont remember trips from when she was 3 or 4 but she remebers the babysitter who locked her in a room all day & told her to take a nap all day!!! Its things like that why I have decided I am staying home a few more years before I take another ft job.

Also with oldest dd being 11 & middle one being 5 & I stayed home with the 5yr old & worked whent the 11 yr old was a baby the 5 yr old is doing great in school while my 11 yr old struggles I think since I was lucky enough to get to stay home with her she learned more. I think if 11 yr old would have been in a better daycare she could have learned more but since I was young & poor I couldnt afford any better!! So I think its a tough choice I know but its one everyone has to make for themselves if they can have that option some people dont I know I was at one time one of those people