Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

**JanH** · 10-01-2006, 01:03 PM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Back in the 80's when I chose to stay at home with my kids, I had a LOT of flack about it, including that I was wasting my brains! I told people I considered raising my kids the most important and difficult job of my life. Sure we went without stuff and took longer to buy a house than most. But I still think I did the right thing. There weren't too many other parents at home during the day, so it got somewhat lonely. But funny thing is that I took more kids home after band practice, after they missed their buses, brought stuff to school that they forgot and couldn't reach their parents....I am glad I chose the path I took. It was not a popular path back then. I know kids whose parents worked and a few whose parents didn't. They are all great kids. I just did what I felt was best for me and my family.

**twinsmommy** · 10-01-2006, 02:21 PM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Daycare takes about 25% of my take home pay for two infants but I have to have someone take care of them so that I can work. I am a single parent and my ex is very unreliable when it comes to money. It is expensive but I can't imagine paying someone less to do such an important job. I have a very flexible schedule at work and can arrange to be home early (or even work from home occasionally). When they go to school I should be able to drop them off and pick them up if I have the same job.

It is kind of funny that everyone can't just accept others choices. I would choose to work even if it took a bigger percentage of my pay and I believe that I am a better parent because I work. My mother in law just wants me to stay home. She even offered to send me the amount of my salary if I would stay home. Of course, she can't afford to do that so I don't know why she even said it.

The OP's family gives her a hard time when it is obviously not worth it to work for only $35 per week. Family...got to love 'em!

**pearlieq** · 10-01-2006, 02:29 PM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Originally posted by twinsmommy

It is kind of funny that everyone can't just accept others choices.

Amen! I don't even have kids yet and people still ask me whether or not I would stay home, whether I would breastfeed, etc. It's like they're trying to figure out what "team" you're on so they can decide about you.

If no one's getting hurt and it doesn't affect anyone else, everyone can just mind their own beeswax!!!

OP: I'm sorry your family feels it's OK to intrude on your life and offer judgment on your decisions. Maybe it's time to set some boundaries. You don't owe anyone an explanation!

**JanH** · 10-01-2006, 03:00 PM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

After we started to school, my mom worked. I believe she got a lot from being out in the working world and making her own money. Her additional salary paid for a lot of things we needed. I just wish people had left me alone about my choice. It would be nice if people would just let others decide what is best for them and their families without judgement.

**PrincessPerky** · 10-01-2006, 05:14 PM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I am anti day care due to more than cost, I understand many owmen (and men) feel stifled to stay home, but I notice the research regarding childrens health and such shows daycare to be detrimental in most cases. my two are healthier than the average, happier than the average, and better adjusted, I notice in sunday school a great many of the kids who are in schools or daycare have great difficulty leaving mom and dad, where mine just happily wonder off, they get enough of me at home during the week.

I know many want to defend their position to send their kids off, and I understand if it is due to special circumstances (single parent, or significant money issues) but I do not understand otherwise. there is no school that can come close to being a family..unless it is practically a family.

this is not politically correct and I am sorry if it offends, but if you had kids raise them, if you don't want to, why have them? borrow someone elses for an hour or two a day...

**getforfree** · 10-01-2006, 05:38 PM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I work nights and weekends part-time when dh is home.

I would love to have normal 8-5 job, but with the childcare costs I will be making like $1/hr after the tax and gas. The tax %% will be higher if our income will go up. I am sorry, I am not willing to work for a pay that low!

Plus, because I work only about 10-30 hrs/ week, actually as many hours as I want and I basicly make my own schedule, I have more time to search for free stuff, sales, coupons, sell on ebay, cook from scratch, hang my laundry, and even run some errands for other people for extra $$ while having my kids with me.

My kids never get sick, but some other peole's kids who go to childcare, get sick very often. It might be because of being with other kids, or having to wake up very early every day, I don't know why. My kids go to bed late, DS (3yr) goes at about 11pm, DD(1yr) goes at about 10. They wake up whenever they want. DS sleeps til 11am. I just notice that those kids that stay home are healthier. Does anyone have an explanation for that?

**PrincessPerky** · 10-01-2006, 06:18 PM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

kids are 'snotty' and they touch everything, wash their hands very little (and not so thuroughly at that), and well, put them in their mouth's and nose's and eyes more than grownups, so day care is a literal 'germ factory' no amount of bleaching will stop the snotty kid picking his nose and then touching a toy, dropping it and moving on to the next, dropped toy is then picked up by your kid, he/she plays then touches nose, eyes, or mouth.

So yeah, this happens at home, your youngest grabs a toy, sticks it in his mouth still and then drops it, your oldest is in charge at clean up and puts it away, yuck! BUT your kids in your house have a lesser chance of bringing the germs in in the first place, you have to introduce the germ..like say that kid who is really too sick to be there, but mom thought dosing him up with medicine could get her at least an hour or two of work.

which is why I say my husband gets the flu shot, and it covers the family

(that same mom went to work sick too....)

And lest you think you have to lock the door all flu season, most people stay home from church when sick, most grocery cart handles have the germs dried and died before your kid gets there (though feel free to wipe it down as needed) Most toys in stores are hard to mouth (though I do recomend washing hands after visiting before eating) So other than school or daycare flu season isn't as dangerous..though busses and the like up the risk..people coughing in a closed environment and all....

**jodi** · 10-01-2006, 06:27 PM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I just love this forum! Other forums I have been on in the past, this would have erupted into a working mom vs. SAHM war in two minutes. And here we are discussing the merits and drawbacks, giving personal stories, etc. with no judgement. Gives me the warm fuzzies

At this time, we are using a daycare, but only for one day a week. My mom has graciously, graciously (we are so eternally grateful to my parents for so much) offered to watch my boys two days per week, but we still needed coverage for the third day I work while DH is student teaching, and hopefully afterward, if he can get a job quickly. So they go to a nice, small center - $20 per kid per day (8 hours), so $40 total for one day a week. I am so thankful I do not need daycare more than that - it would kill me to turn over more of my hard-earned money! But the goal, eventually, is for me to become a SAHM (doing occasional real estate sales to supplement) after DH gets a steady teaching job with benefits. Every day I look forward to that a little more

**pearlieq** · 10-01-2006, 06:33 PM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Originally posted by PrincessPerky

this is not politically correct and I am sorry if it offends, but if you had kids raise them, if you don't want to, why have them? borrow someone elses for an hour or two a day...

Yes, it does offend me. It's insulting to state that someone who works is not raising their children. I'm sure many working parents would love to know what exactly it is they've been doing all these years.

People can still be excellent parents while also enjoying fulfilling, productive, and meaningful careers.

I spent plenty of my childhood in daycare. I'm pretty sure I'm not a serial killer.

**getforfree** · 10-01-2006, 06:38 PM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I didn't go to childcare, and than, when I had to go to school, I had a hard time to adjust to other people. And maybe that's why I still hate crowded places.

**PrincessPerky** · 10-01-2006, 06:54 PM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Never said you were, simply stated that when a daycare spends more time with kids than parents that means the day care IS raising the kid at least in part. Again sorry if you took insult, my goal is not to hurt.

On average a child is in daycare for 50-70 hours a week, sleeps for (7*10) 70 spends 48 or less with parents [out of 24*7= 168] That means day care is at least as influential as the parents.

factor in that a great deal of the time with parents is spent getting stuff on to go to work, food in, baths taken and you don't have a lot of time left to find out what kind of kid you have....and your kid doesn't have a lot of time to be alone, be with mom, be with dad, be with siblings, and well just be.

This is not (to me) about working vs not working, my opinion is merely based on the STRONG influence that day care has, A place that spends more time and especially more 'free time' with your kid than you IS raising your kid to a great degree.

Daycare should be a use as needed well researched choice. All the politically correct talk of 'its no big deal day care wont harm them in the slightest' is the same kind that has people thinking nursing and bottlefeeding are the same healthwise, they are not. Yes there are reasons to bottle feed, and there are reasons to use daycare, but NO they are not the same.

**DivaJen** · 10-01-2006, 07:04 PM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I think it's fair to say that if a child spends the majority of his/her time in daycare, then daycare is doing quite a bit of the raising when it comes to raising a child. I don't understand parents who want to leave their children with others from infancy all day, five days a week. There are people who need to financially, but I simply can't relate or understand at all those who have a choice and make the choice to go the full-time daycare route. I'm not saying that with judgement; I truly cannot nderstand it as it goes so counter to my own thoughts on parenthood and my drives as a mother to be there with my child and be there for my child, day in and day out.

Different strokes for different folks, of course.

Having my child raised primarily by me and her father was an important choice for our family. It meant letting go of my $40K + salary that included medical benefits, so in that sense, it was costlier for us to NOT use daycare.

Cost wasn't the factor in our decision.

**MonkeyMama** · 10-01-2006, 10:57 PM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Due to costs AND other reasons yes.

We figure hubby would need $35k salary to break even, in our region. Probably about what he could swing too. Just SO not worth it on so many levels.

It amazes me after taxes and daycare how many people making another 30/40k over us have LESS money at the end of the day. Instead we have been enjoying paying just about no income taxes the last few years. On the flipside we would be slammed with taxes if he worked, not to mention social security taxes and such. & Daycare is insane in our area.

Frankly though, most the people I know work and leave the kids with their parents and grandparents - they just can not afford daycare. At least they are coming out ahead and the kids are with family. I couldn't do it though. I see nothing but advantage over advantage having a spouse who stays home with the kids. It's a choice we made personally long before we had kids, but the cost aspect just amazes me more and more over time as I talk to more working parents about their finances. & the friends I know who resort to family are all miserable - lots of issues and head butting on child raising issues, etc.

**Armywife** · 10-02-2006, 02:21 AM

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

It is a hard decision especially on the mother's part to stay home. I chose to stay home until my daughter is ready for school because of several reasons. The biggest factor in this is that I didn't have a chance to see many of my firstborn's milestones (first steps, first word, first laugh) because I was working full time in order to pay for someone ELSE's debt.
I'll re-enter the workforce once all my children are in school full-time.

Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs