remote learning - a vent

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Anyone else with kids in school? I am drowning. I am doing terribly and struggling. I have two kids 3rd and 5th grade. I've been on top of it with my younger child because I sit with her. I keep her on task and focused. But it's still a fight. My older one has not been doing her work because I haven't been sitting with her or as detailed going over all the work that needs to be completed since the beginning of the year about 6 weeks ago. Of course we are fighting non-stop as I struggle to keep up and chase after two kids. But my younger one is so needy and between speech and hearing problems I need to help her with the online classes constantly. Plus my husband stares at me clueless and if I leave to do anything including going to the dentist he does nothing. He makes sure they are alive. He even says he can't do it.

This is why women/men (one of two parents) are leaving the workforce or not looking because it's so hard. It's why people probably stop looking for work because they are afraid of covid and have all these responsibilities at home with their kids. It also explains why binge drinking is up 135% for women between 35-50 (highest of any group on pandemic). That and cooking and cleaning make everything busier but we don't leave the house.

I find myself wavering between going back to work in January or staying at home. I have to admit that I want to work to run away like my DH. Not because I really want to work. I feel constantly run down. I do all the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing. Right now moreso because DH is building an office shed and working. He spends all this time working on the damn thing since July but is still another month away. If I ever can post a picture I will. It's insane.

Anyway I'm stressed out worrying about having our income cut in feb 2021. So i'm really watching what we spend and getting a handle on our spending. I'm reining it in now so that we can save extra and not be shocked. I'm also prepaying our taxes because I know we'll still owe if I don't pay it now.

But the kids. Everything about this remote school is awful. And I constantly have my mom calling me daily to annoy me. I know it's not forever but at this point I'd take anything.

Just a vent. I know I need to be grateful to not have lost anyone to covid and be fortunate to not have it. I am sorry if anyone has.

[ua_guy]

I don't have kids, but do I do have empathy. I hear war stories from the front lines at home from my sister, who is a 3rd grade teacher who is teaching fully remote AND she has two kids in school, at home, learning remotely. My sister's husband is also at home, working remotely...he's very smart but struggles with a learning disorder and the distractions have been very tough for him. It's been exceptionally hard on all of them, and they have their moments of frustration, but they plan to make it through this together.

Some families are really struggling because the only way they function is if mom/dad each get to spend all day away from each other at their separate jobs and away from the kids, who spend all day in school away from the parents and each other. Family time is an exercise in tolerance, limited interaction. Now having to spend full-time together under the same roof is a whole different world. I hear the way some people talk about their spouses and their kids now that they're all stuck at home and it makes me wonder if any of them ever wanted to be a part of their family in the first place!!

It's really, really hard. Splitting responsibility and supporting each other is SO important. Finding healthy outlets and time away from each other is also very, very important. People I work with in the same situation say it's absolute chaos at home and they don't know how much longer they can tolerate the stress. All I can say to the parent types out there is you're making it happen, you're doing a good job, if it feels ridiculously hard, that's because it truly is!!

[kork13]

Ugh... It's seriously awful, and we're some of the lucky ones that are at least doing hybrid classes -- classes cut in half, and each kid does a half day at school, half day at home. Our son is in kindergarten, and my wife is constantly frustrated trying to get him to sit still long enough to finish his homework. The papers that get sent home are hard enough... But they also have online assignments through Canvas, but it's almost impossible to see what he's finished & submitted. It's a constant battle, and my wife is extremely frustrated about it all. I sometimes help with getting him to focus on the papers, but I refuse to deal with the computer junk.

Our district held an emergency school board meeting last night to decide how to proceed with the relative spike in COVID cases in the area. They decided to continue with the hybrid model, but only because the schools' aggressive mitigation & cleaning measures are working well. Across the entire school district, only 32 positive cases (in total) since classes started in August, only 2 active cases, and almost none of them were traced to transmission in school (most were parent to child). So gratefully, they won't be subjecting us to 100% remote school. And honestly, even more than that, I really appreciate that they've been so clearly communicative about the situation & their decision-making.

But yikes.... LAL, we are right there with you... This entire situation is absolutely terrible.... I forget where I heard it, but someone described their remote schooling as such: "The students have all been suspended, and the principal was fired for drinking on the job."

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

You say your are venting, but would you also like a suggestion?

[Snicks]

Online school I think is especially difficult for young children. And, your kids will be OK. I think parents make themselves crazy over their schooling. I would not worry that much about grades. Just make the best of it. It some things fall through the crack oh well, it really isn't going to matter in the scheme of life. Turn your phone off or tell your mom not to call you until 7 pm . And if that is too much tell her to only call you on Sat am or something.

If you leave the work force, yes you may have less money but it may be a blessing in disguise for your home and family. If you then are SAHM, embrace it. Take time for yourself and time to enjoy your home. Relax. Bake with your kids, etc.

BTW, much of what is learned in life can be learned from you at home. Teach them chores. Let them get engaged in cooking or helping dad check the oil, etc and all those things. Because in reality a lot of kids cannot even do those things when they have 2 working parents are shuttled from sports to school, etc. They miss those things of life.

Mostly just take a deep breath. I have raised three kids. A lot of what we fuss over isn't worth the energy. Try ENJOYING your children. Enjoy your home, enjoy your husband. Take some time for that. Get silly

[LivingAlmostLarge]

You say your are venting, but would you also like a suggestion?

Sure absolutely. Or I like hearing other's pain and feeling it.

Snicks thank you. I am trying to reconcile in my head it's okay to not work. I worry that stepping back right now means I'm letting it all go and this is it. I am fearful about me, not about money. Money I can make it happen. I already have. I have tightened enough and stop spending that it's not a big deal. We can make it. Truly our budget problem stems from overbuying our house.

If anyone were to ask me for my #1 piece of advice, never buy too much house. And usually when they have budget problems it's because the house/car is too expensive and out of line with their budget. When that is true it's really hard to make the other parts of the budget work no matter how thrifty you are. When we bought, we actually did not overbuy. We bought way under our "budget" and yet now 3 years later we are cutting our income making the house on the too expensive side of any budget.

[ua_guy]

Sure absolutely. Or I like hearing other's pain and feeling it.

Snicks thank you. I am trying to reconcile in my head it's okay to not work. I worry that stepping back right now means I'm letting it all go and this is it. I am fearful about me, not about money. Money I can make it happen. I already have. I have tightened enough and stop spending that it's not a big deal. We can make it. Truly our budget problem stems from overbuying our house.

If anyone were to ask me for my #1 piece of advice, never buy too much house. And usually when they have budget problems it's because the house/car is too expensive and out of line with their budget. When that is true it's really hard to make the other parts of the budget work no matter how thrifty you are. When we bought, we actually did not overbuy. We bought way under our "budget" and yet now 3 years later we are cutting our income making the house on the too expensive side of any budget.

You've got a couple subjects going here. Remote learning. Being a SAHM. Housing expense. It all rolls up into one huge ball of stress.

I will agree with you on not working. My husband and I have been at a point for a couple years where he's told me it's OK if I don't want to work anymore because we can afford it. I've given that a lot of consideration for a couple different reasons but have been unable to commit to it. 100% has to do with the shame and lack of understanding, judgement, from others. I feel like once I let go of work, that's it. I'll never find full time employment that pays well ever again and I'll forever be looked-down upon. I took some time off a few years ago and it's come back to bite me in the ass in every way imaginable. A gap on a resume puts you in a whole different class of people, apparently.

[Like2Plan]

I have no easy answers for you.

This is not forever, even though it feels like it is now. I know this is going in the wrong direction to what your goals are, but could you maybe get some help in one of the areas you are covering just to get you through? (Like Freshly for meals).

I know I'm going back ages ago (our son is a grown up now).....It was expensive, but the best tutoring experience we ever had (for our son when he was growing up) was when I wasn't doing it (it turns out I wasn't cut out for it). We asked his school for recommendations--one was a retired teacher from the school he was attending so she was very familiar with the curriculum. Maybe there are some teachers in your area?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

You've got a couple subjects going here. Remote learning. Being a SAHM. Housing expense. It all rolls up into one huge ball of stress.

I will agree with you on not working. My husband and I have been at a point for a couple years where he's told me it's OK if I don't want to work anymore because we can afford it. I've given that a lot of consideration for a couple different reasons but have been unable to commit to it. 100% has to do with the shame and lack of understanding, judgement, from others. I feel like once I let go of work, that's it. I'll never find full time employment that pays well ever again and I'll forever be looked-down upon. I took some time off a few years ago and it's come back to bite me in the ass in every way imaginable. A gap on a resume puts you in a whole different class of people, apparently.

Oh the resume gap is a real things. It's hard to get rid of and people are wondering what you are doing with your life. It does bite you on your ass. And not working people always ask what do you do. Saying you stay at home is looked down upon and so it doing nothing. I think a lot stems from where people live. I suspect that if we lived somewhere else it wouldn't be so frowned upon. But where live it is.

I have a tutor to help them along once a week. but I'm just fighting with them to do the work period. Next step is do the work well.