Common Cents

[LivingAlmostLarge]

For generations it was the societal norm for the man to be the head of the household and to be in charge of the money and finances and for the woman to be the homemaker, so I totally understand where this came from. But times have changed. Women are in the workforce every bit as much as men. People are marrying later in life, if at all. There are a lot more single parent households. There are a lot more same sex households. That norm of the men managing the money needs to change.

At this point, I firmly blame men and parents for not facilitating that change. In our house, I do manage the finances. It's not because I'm the man. It's because I happen to have a passion for it and really enjoy doing it and am rather good at it. My wife is perfectly capable though. She managed everything just fine prior to getting married at age 28. BUT, the big key is that I don't manage our finances behind closed doors. I discuss them with her regularly. Most of those discussion are informal, just letting her know when something new happens or if we happen to be watching the news and they're talking about the market taking a dive, I'll show her how that affected our portfolio, or if I think we should buy a CD or open a new account, I'll discuss that with her. And then a few times a year we also do a formal sit down "financial date" where I pull out the spreadsheet and review everything in detail.

I've posted many times about "Dad's Financial Academy" lessons that I've done with our daughter over the years. She is now 23 and while she still lives with us, she manages her own finances. She balances her checkbook every month. She invests in her Roth every month. She puts money into her savings account every month. She pays her bills. She gets her credit card rewards. And she occasionally asks me when she has a question. But otherwise she's on her own. I have no worries about her and her finances even when she gets her own place and is living independently. But I'm sure far too many parents haven't done the same with their own kids, especially daughters.

There are a lot more scenarios where ALL people need to be more responsible. I don't get how women working full time aren't but they would be the first to tell you it's because they work full time.They don't have the time to do the finances. Then the stay at home moms say they can't. It's their husband's money and why should they? So it's a double edged sword. If you make the money you are too busy? If you don't you don't have a right?
How this happens I don't know.

[Smallsteps]

There are a lot more scenarios where ALL people need to be more responsible. I don't get how women working full time aren't but they would be the first to tell you it's because they work full time.They don't have the time to do the finances. Then the stay at home moms say they can't. It's their husband's money and why should they? So it's a double edged sword. If you make the money you are too busy? If you don't you don't have a right?
How this happens I don't know.

I have seen stay at home spouse give up the doing the Finances not because it is spouses money but because many times a working spouse will tell them they can work too.

Granted there are many different types of work but I did a physical job fulltime / had kids and ran the household often with my kids sitting there learning about bills/taxes and even visits to a CFP as I did them.

The person I started this thread about " won" most of what she wanted in the divorce but what she won was not worth winning.
Her husband squandered whatever they had before the divorce. She did not even want the divorce. Everyone was confused as it was onset quickly
.
My guess is the house of cards he built was going to blow over anyway.

[msomnipotent]

I gues I am an oddball. I have control of the finances and I'm a SAHM. My husband really has no concept of money and no interest of managing it. I can't even get him to write his ATM withdrawals in the ledger. I wrote out our list of assets and physically put it in his hands this morning, and he didn't even glance at it before putting it down. What drives me crazy is that he depends on his bonus, which varies each year and isn't at all guaranteed, and he has it spent 6 different ways before we get it. I'm assuming no bonus this year as the company was just bought by another, and I heard that they didn't do too well this year. He is expecting a larger raise than last year and thinks we will be going on a trip to Europe, giving $10,000 to his brother (that's a long story), paying for our daughter's braces, getting a new roof, and he still thinks we are going somewhere for spring break. We are paying for braces and the property taxes this year because that is what we have the money for. If we do get a bonus, it is going towards a roof, maybe paying his brother $1,000 or $2,000, and then we are saving for a new car.

And what really chaps my ass is that I have been talking about this to him for a few months now. Not including the roof, we have about $25,000 worth of expenses coming up between now and July, and he still thinks we are going to do all kinds of fun stuff. And his answer to everything is always, "Just transfer it out of savings". This is why he isn't on the savings accounts. I can't figure out why he is like this because he managed his own money before we met and he had a great credit score and money in the bank.

[Thrif-t]

msomnipotent hahaha, you really are my twin! My DH used to look at our retirement accounts and think we were loaded and could just take $ out of those accounts.