Common Cents

[Smallsteps]

Title is a little play on words, but I was recently amazed or confused about how little a friend seemed to know about her OWN finances.

She was recently asked for a divorce from husband and she told me "he had promised to take care of all / money savings / retirement" and now she did not know what to do.
If you met her she is a strong educated woman HOW could she not even be curious during their marriage. Especially since there were warning signs in how he ran his business.

If this was a decade or two ago or she was much older it would be no surprise but I honestly thought this type of thing was an item that was a thing of the past.
I am not talking about the tiny details but the overall picture. Regardless of which partner takes the reins I cannot see how there are people whom are left completely in the dark

.Life happens.... death, divorce and disability or just what if the person left in charge of finances are not as good money managers.

I only bring it up as I have recently seen or read many different examples like this. Where one person simply seems to either never heard of or does not understand situations that seems like common sense to others.
I work with people who seem to not know what I thought was common knowledge items or do things that I thought were simply unbelievable.

A co-worker told me her mother worked for a well known retailer for years. Thought she had insurance ( how would you NOT know) but said there was no sign ups and nothing was taken out of her check. this was during the time since the ACA was in effect. HOW could you not know ?
Her husband had coverage through his employment but did not cover her and was clear this was her fault she can pay.
So she got sick had a bunch of medical bills and NOW must continue working although she should be at retirement age, paying big bills.

I am really trying in many of these cases to have more empathy but am confused as to how these types of things happen.

[disneysteve]

Most people, male and female, young and old, rich and poor, are really quite clueless. The people who frequent this site are very, very much the exceptions.

[Thrif-t]

Yep people ate clueless! I no longer have anybody in my real life that I can talk about financial things with since 2 older and very dear coworkers passed away.

Nobody cares or takes an interest in their money, not how to make it, save it, or multiple it. Whatever happens, happens and they'll just deal with it.

[james.hendrickson]

Title is a little play on words, but I was recently amazed or confused about how little a friend seemed to know about her OWN finances.

She was recently asked for a divorce from husband and she told me "he had promised to take care of all / money savings / retirement" and now she did not know what to do.
If you met her she is a strong educated woman HOW could she not even be curious during their marriage. Especially since there were warning signs in how he ran his business.

If this was a decade or two ago or she was much older it would be no surprise but I honestly thought this type of thing was an item that was a thing of the past.
I am not talking about the tiny details but the overall picture. Regardless of which partner takes the reins I cannot see how there are people whom are left completely in the dark

.Life happens.... death, divorce and disability or just what if the person left in charge of finances are not as good money managers.

I only bring it up as I have recently seen or read many different examples like this. Where one person simply seems to either never heard of or does not understand situations that seems like common sense to others.
I work with people who seem to not know what I thought was common knowledge items or do things that I thought were simply unbelievable.

A co-worker told me her mother worked for a well known retailer for years. Thought she had insurance ( how would you NOT know) but said there was no sign ups and nothing was taken out of her check. this was during the time since the ACA was in effect. HOW could you not know ?
Her husband had coverage through his employment but did not cover her and was clear this was her fault she can pay.
So she got sick had a bunch of medical bills and NOW must continue working although she should be at retirement age, paying big bills.

I am really trying in many of these cases to have more empathy but am confused as to how these types of things happen.

For me the challenge here is, now do you get people engaged in their own financial futures when they aren't interested in money?

[bjl584]

Unfortunately, this isn't all that uncommon.
It's scary how many people just don't know the details of their own lives.

[Wolf_278]

My wife wants nothing to do with finances. She wouldn't have a clue what is in our accounts, if I didn't tell her. Once I a quarter (if not a month) I make her sit down with me and look at the bank statements and her retirement statements and how to get all this stuff, so if I die tomorrow, she at least knows where the accounts are. Some spouses don't even know that much.

[james.hendrickson]

One thing that might make sense would be to have a list of all the accounts and passwords in a secure location in the event that one partner gets sick or passes away. At least that way, the surviving spouse doesn't have to hunt around for the assets.

[disneysteve]

For me the challenge here is, now do you get people engaged in their own financial futures when they aren't interested in money?

You can't fix other people's problems. It's a cliche but change has to come from within. People will change when they are ready to change and not a second before no matter what anybody else tells them, and it is usually after they crash and burn.

[disneysteve]

My wife wants nothing to do with finances. She wouldn't have a clue what is in our accounts, if I didn't tell her. Once I a quarter (if not a month) I make her sit down with me and look at the bank statements and her retirement statements and how to get all this stuff, so if I die tomorrow, she at least knows where the accounts are.

At least she knows. We're basically the same way. My wife is perfectly capable of dealing with the finances. She just sees no need to. She knows I do it well. She knows I enjoy doing it. She trusts me implicitly. But I make very sure that we sit down for "financial dates" periodically so that she knows what we have and where it is and if anything changes along the way, I keep her updated. For example, last month when the market took a dive, I let her know what impact that had on our portfolio and I've let her know how it has recovered since.

[Smallsteps]

For me the challenge here is, now do you get people engaged in their own financial futures when they aren't interested in money?

I am not sure what the answer with this, maybe some trust all way too much.
This is not the first time I have seen this level of insanity. I know it will sound cold but people only seem to pay attention or give a hoot when they reach a crisis and I am done with the chicken little sky is falling begging for help to bail them out.

In the current everything is not your fault and when all else fails GO FUND ME..... often no consequences convince them to give a hoot to change and take an interest in how taking care or money is in their best interest.

I do not think my friend was not interested in money she ran a business etc before she married.
I just think she should have at least been updated like many posts here state they do with spouses. I was trying so hard not to just lose it and ask her to pull her head out of the sand.
SHE has zero clue where any money is etc. There is no way to get her lawyer to make sure she gets her half since we live in a community property state if her spouse is not forthcoming on where these funds are. It is super hard to be supportive when this IMO was self inflicted.

[Gailete]

As a woman, I don't understand it. I have always been in the thick of things when it came to finances except for my first marriage where he locked me out basically which is stupid as I would have done better than him in handling the money. It is only in the last month now that my hubby has requested a list of accounts and passwords, etc. in case something happens to me, he has no clue what to do. I think part of that came about when I have had to start using a cane to walk even in the house and even short trips out for small errands in town leave me too wiped out to do anything for the rest of the night. Even a taking a shower leaves me totally exhausted for hours. That should be a sign enough that you might actually have to take over the finances. He will probably have to pry my calculator and pen/pencil out of my cold dead hands to take over the money handling. I enjoy it, and currently, I am seeing the benefits of the decisions I have been making over the years since we got married. Things were tough for a long time, but now finally heading up. I just took a look at what we have in savings and IRAs, and our tax savings accounts and my eyeballs almost popped out of my head. 16-17 years ago, we were so broke, we had to temporary borrow tax money from my son as we had nothing!

When I was working at one hospital they changed ownership several times and with its different health insurances. I would take the packet of info home, read and absorb it, ran numbers according to what they said and then went back to work and was able to explain the plans and choices to the other nurses. I think, IMHO, women tend to need the group effect. If other women want to learn about finances then they do too. Just one person on their own makes them feel embarrassed and 'dumb', but throw several women together to talk about finances, they will be happy to learn since other women are also wanting to learn. It is why when a woman that everyone knows walks into a room with her latest hair-do which looks awful in your opinion, but the women's lemming routine, means that every other woman in the room will say how wonderful it looks. While you stand there wondering if you need glasses. For the most part, a woman likes to be on the same plain as other women. Unless it is the most popular woman in the group and she says something negative whether to hairdos or finances, then everyone's 'opinion' will be the one she expressed. So the big thing to teaching women is to get them in a group with some snacks and something to drink and keep it casual at first. Not how I learned about finances, I did it on my own using books for the most part. My youngest son found the stash of books, read them and is following their advice and we talk about it.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I have yet to meet a female friend who pays the bills. Every single one depends on their husband to pay bills, do taxes, manage finances. Considering this is NOT just stay at home moms but full time working moms too it's pretty broad spectrum. I've even meet single mom friends (divorced) who stick their head in the sand and have trouble paying bills and managing finances. A SINGLE MOM. That is when you need to balance the check book. Nope that particular friend I have to go over there and help her pay bills and balance a check book. She literally has broken down in tears saying how stressful it is and she doesn't get all the numbers and she lost two cashier checks from her ex-husband for the alimony. She just tosses mail in piles, doesn't open things. Basically everything that got her into huge trouble in the first place while still married.

And she's not the only one. I am appalled by the number of friends who have no idea if they have anything saved for retirement. Have no real idea if they have any cash in bank. Have no idea who they owe for a mortgage, if they have a car loan, how their finances are. It's pretty nuts. Some are happily married and others are not. Some work full-time and others don't.

Common theme is women do not pay bills, women do not invest, women have no idea.

[Thrif-t]

I have yet to meet a female friend who pays the bills. Every single one depends on their husband to pay bills, do taxes, manage finances. Considering this is NOT just stay at home moms but full time working moms too it's pretty broad spectrum. I've even meet single mom friends (divorced) who stick their head in the sand and have trouble paying bills and managing finances. A SINGLE MOM. That is when you need to balance the check book. Nope that particular friend I have to go over there and help her pay bills and balance a check book. She literally has broken down in tears saying how stressful it is and she doesn't get all the numbers and she lost two cashier checks from her ex-husband for the alimony. She just tosses mail in piles, doesn't open things. Basically everything that got her into huge trouble in the first place while still married.

And she's not the only one. I am appalled by the number of friends who have no idea if they have anything saved for retirement. Have no real idea if they have any cash in bank. Have no idea who they owe for a mortgage, if they have a car loan, how their finances are. It's pretty nuts. Some are happily married and others are not. Some work full-time and others don't.

Common theme is women do not pay bills, women do not invest, women have no idea.

Everyone I know is like this ^. I had two coworkers who were 20 years older than me, single/divorced, deceased now, they were the only 2 women I ever knew who took an interest in finances. Lucky for me I attached to them when I got my first professional job, as they taught me a lot. I owe a lot of how I am and what I have to them.

I'd love to have someone to mentor now that I'm the age they were when they took me under their wing, but so far I've not found any younger women who is interested. It makes me sad. I try with my girls, but they are still kinda young and busy with college, but I think they are paying attention and will be more interested when they have more time and have more bills of their own.

[disneysteve]

For generations it was the societal norm for the man to be the head of the household and to be in charge of the money and finances and for the woman to be the homemaker, so I totally understand where this came from. But times have changed. Women are in the workforce every bit as much as men. People are marrying later in life, if at all. There are a lot more single parent households. There are a lot more same sex households. That norm of the men managing the money needs to change.

At this point, I firmly blame men and parents for not facilitating that change. In our house, I do manage the finances. It's not because I'm the man. It's because I happen to have a passion for it and really enjoy doing it and am rather good at it. My wife is perfectly capable though. She managed everything just fine prior to getting married at age 28. BUT, the big key is that I don't manage our finances behind closed doors. I discuss them with her regularly. Most of those discussion are informal, just letting her know when something new happens or if we happen to be watching the news and they're talking about the market taking a dive, I'll show her how that affected our portfolio, or if I think we should buy a CD or open a new account, I'll discuss that with her. And then a few times a year we also do a formal sit down "financial date" where I pull out the spreadsheet and review everything in detail.

I've posted many times about "Dad's Financial Academy" lessons that I've done with our daughter over the years. She is now 23 and while she still lives with us, she manages her own finances. She balances her checkbook every month. She invests in her Roth every month. She puts money into her savings account every month. She pays her bills. She gets her credit card rewards. And she occasionally asks me when she has a question. But otherwise she's on her own. I have no worries about her and her finances even when she gets her own place and is living independently. But I'm sure far too many parents haven't done the same with their own kids, especially daughters.

[Smallsteps]

Times changed a LONG time ago but somehow so many simply do not want to change.
I found with Most if NOT ALL financial decisions ... People of both sexes do not want to make a decision in case it is wrong. They will have NO one else to blame.

Honestly, it is embarrassing to think women are still letting hubby do it all finances and only care when things go bad. Simply zero reason for this especially if the woman is working too.
I taught my daughter far more then I did my sons. Almost to her detriment since she keeps her husband on a short leash with money.
Many parents do not teach their kids because they are struggling too and do not want anyone to know. I have talked to parents who hid the basic problems from their kids and the child was totally unprepared for any emergency. . Here is the big thing those parents do not realize sooner or later kids find out either how well or how bad the parents handled finances either at death or in their old age when they need a bit of help.

look around especially this time of year there are tons or places looking for PREY telling the "oh taxes are just to darn complicated I can do it for you for $xx". makes me crazy watching the ads even.
I worked with people that had super simple returns (no complications) and I was STUNNED at how much they were taken for.
One lady paid $200 for an basic form seriously. She was so clueless she bragged about it saying she got a good deal to get it done right. I would have laughed but it was pathetic.