24yr old female with Debt and spending issues

**cardtrick** · 12-15-2013, 08:43 AM

The good news is that you're not that far into debt and you could pay off your CC, medical and possibly car loan in 2014. Depends on what your current budget looks like. I suspect that the other members are also going to ask you the same question. What does your budget look like?

As far as shopping addiction goes, debtors anonymous would be a great resource. I've never been a shopping addict, so I guess I don't understand what it must be like. But, when dealing with addictions, you find other things to spend your time on. Start exercising? Or find a hobby that doesn't cost you too much money? Or get a second job? Or maybe spend some time volunteering? If any of these things make you happy, you won't need that retail therapy.

Just remember that most people regret spending too much on stuff when they were younger but you will not find many people who regret saving too much money. Why make that same mistake when you can learn from others' mistakes?

**neatdesign** · 12-15-2013, 03:28 PM

Originally posted by lotuslady42 View Post

I have dreams, a dog, a wedding, a house. My fiance and I cant get these things when I am in debt. And with my job...I shouldn't be.

First, welcome to the forums. I think it's great that you've self-identified this problem and this is just the first of many steps that you can take to try to rein it in.

What you said above really resonated with me. I'm probably about 16-17 years older than you are. My husband and I were in debt for the entirety of our 9-year marriage, most of it due to spending frivolously. We had to put off having children and buying a house because we couldn't afford to pursue either.

We're now divorced. I just turned 41 last week and am starting life over from scratch as a single woman. While ending my marriage was the right decision, I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I will probably never have children. I can't help but wonder how different -- and more fulfilling -- my life might have been had that massive debt not existed. Poor financial management and debt literally dictated the course of my life, and not in a good way.

You're young right now: You have time to turn things around and have a wonderfully fulfilling, debt-free life. Don't go down the same path that I did; you will regret it. Debtors Anonymous is a great idea since you already know you have a spending addiction. You can search for meetings near you via their website: http://www.debtorsanonymous.org/admin/index.php/find

I've made a budget for the coming weeks and I'm hoping to stick to it.

That's a good start -- but push yourself and try to create more long-term budget, for at least 6 months from now. Heck, set a budget for yourself for 2014, start over with a clean slate in the new year! Because honestly, "the coming weeks" will be over before you know it. Set yourself up for success by looking further down the road.

The key to having a budget is not just to have structure but also GOALS. It's possible to achieve the same level of satisfaction (or "high") by saving, reducing your debt and delaying gratification that you get from frivolous spending. You might need some help getting there -- that's where Debtors Anonymous can help.

You can do this!

**YLTL_Dan** · 12-15-2013, 09:05 PM

Originally posted by lotuslady42 View Post

Does anyone have any advice? I'm thinking of attending a debtors anonymous meeting

I think it's fantastic that you're taking this so seriously, but I don't think you have a more serious problem than many Americans. That being said, you need to take drastic steps, but I don't think you have a mental illness.

Here are some of the steps I'd take:

1. Start tracking your spending (either write it down daily or use mint.com)
2. Track your net worth monthly so you can track your positive progress (use can use my template here)

If you need additional reinforcement, I recommend listening to the Dave Ramsey show... you can listen to it on the radio or download the podcasts. It's a great way to keep you in a positive money mindset. Just by showing you're concerned, I think you're going to be able to clean it up.

**97guns** · 12-16-2013, 09:08 AM

nip it in the bud right now and control your spending, at your age its really easy to blow everything every week. in time that type of action will cost you dearly.

i know a lady that is 65, she is a RN and makes great money, over $160K a year but she spends like crazy. she has nothing to show for her 30+ years of service and its a shame. its too late for her to stop spending, a 30 year habit is tough to kick

you will not believe how addictive saving is

**Augustine** · 12-16-2013, 09:26 AM

Awareness is always the first step before change and since you have zeroed in on the problem, you are already on your way to solving it. Getting out of debt requires a lot more than knowledge of what to do. You have to be determined to change.

Do you have financial goals? If not, now would be a good time to start thinking about what you want to achieve financially starting from next year. How you use your money affects what you are trying to achieve with your finances.

Yes you have mentioned you have dreams, but until you put a price tag on those dreams, it will be very difficult for you to work towards achieving them.

Here's what you can do:

1. Start working towards paying off some of your debt instead of accumulating more (and do not neglect to save money while you are at it). This may be a difficult thing to so at first, but if you are committed to your financial plan, this should not be much of a problem.

2. You mention you have made a budget for the coming weeks and you are 'hoping' to stick it. Make budgeting a permanent part of your financial life but you have do a lot more that just hope to stick to it.

3. Prudent money management will also go a long way in helping you focus on your financial priorities.

I hope this helps.

**TheKayla** · 12-16-2013, 09:52 AM

Looks like you're off to a great start and have all of the right ideas, psychologically. You do need to get out of debt, and you seem to really understand the importance. Psychologically: keep checking back here. Find other support. Is your fiance right on board with you? Talk to friends, help to get encouragement and encourage family who may be in the same situation.

Keep thinking about your big goals and dreams that you have, that can serve as extra motivation to keep going.

Learning to change your spending habits is going to be a more long winded change. You know the math involved and what you should do, but habits can get in the way. Focus on simplifying your life (get rid of stuff, not for the sake of money only, but to learn to live without meaningless material goods). Learn to enjoy more non-materialistic things. Trust me, you'll be happier in the end doing so. Less to clean, less to take care off, less choices, and more focus on the things that matter can all happen as a result. Take up a new cheap or free hobby to keep you occupied. You are likely just used to a certain lifestyle, and that takes time and commitment to change, but if you stick with it, new and better habits will surely form.

**BMEPhDinCO** · 12-16-2013, 09:52 AM

The best way to stick to a budget is make it something you want to do.

You said you want to get married, have a house, and get a dog.

So budget in a NEW savings account for each goal.

Dog - around $500 initially from the shelter plus things for the dog.

Wedding - varies, talk with your fiance about it and come up with a number, let's say $12,000

House - varies as well, let's say $180,000 and at 20% that's $36k plus $4k in extras so $40,000

So now your picture is: $21,000 in debt and you want $52,500 in savings. That's 1 year gross salary for you basically.

So if you have a budget, post it, otherwise, here's a sample:

10% retirement (around $7k, through work plus a RothIRA if you can, otherwise all through work so you can't touch it)
15% savings (around $10.5k for the year - that's dog plus most of the wedding!)
20% to debt (around $14k, that's the medical plus the CC)
5% to debt monthly obligations (car loan, CC, medical monthly payments, when one gets paid, put the rest into the car loan)

That leaves you 50% of your takehome salary to live on - around $22k per year or almost $2k per month. OF that, you do:

5% for fun spending on yourself (ie, $1,100 PER YEAR)
5$ for fun spending on others (ie $1,100 PER YEAR)

The rest goes to your household living needs.

I know it's tight, but just think, you can get married in 14 months from now! For no debt! Plus you'd have no CC debt, no medical debt, and have a lower car loan.
Then, you could start in on the car and the house - car would be done in a year AND you'd have $14-15k for the house. If you kept going for 1 more year plus a month, you'd have the house!

So here's your life:

Jan. 2014 - $21k in debt
Mar. 2015 - Married with no CC debt, no medical debt, a new doggie
May 2016 - Moving into your new house with 20% down, no debt, married and a doggie

Good luck!

**breathemusic** · 12-16-2013, 10:51 AM

I think cutting up the credit cards was an excellent first step. I also think that you should go into your various online accounts and make sure that you delete any saved credit card info, if you had the accounts set up that way.

Some tips for helping to keep you from spending on the things you don't need are that you could require yourself to get rid of something before being able to buy something else. Not that you should necessarily buy something else, but if you are already selling the clothes you have (maybe set those aside so that they can't count as the stuff you would have to get rid of), then it would force you to consider "do I really want to get rid of X, just so I can buy Y that I don't really need?" If you mostly do online shopping, you could have a post-it note on the screen that says "do you really NEED to buy that?" or some other little reminder.

It's easy to set a goal and make a budget, but when you're an impulse buyer, a lot of times you don't think about those goals and the budget in the moment and suddenly you're clicking "check out" and all excited about your purchase and it's not until the bill comes that you regret it.

You need to put some reminders in your face that force you to question your purchases and break the impulse buy habbit. You could also try enforcing other rules like if you wanna buy something, you have to wait 24 hours, or 48 hours before you can purchase it (to see if you'll change your mind), or maybe coordinate with your fiance so that you tell him about all purchases BEFORE you make them, so he could potentially remind you that you're trying to pay off debt.

All of these things are just about providing yourself with some sort of catch, or checks and balances, that will help control the impulse to shop. I think for many people who recover from various addictions, the biggest hurdle is just getting past the initial desire. Once it passes, you'll probably realize you really don't care about that new cute top that much, and you'll be glad you didn't buy it.

**hadoty** · 12-18-2013, 08:14 AM

Lots of great suggestions here. I'd also say that avoiding temptation is the thing that most helped me. I used to go shopping with girlfriends as something to do together. Now we decide to meet for dinner or drinks (or even better do them at home instead). Even going out for a really nice dinner with a couple of cocktails is typically MUCH less expensive than a couple hours at the mall. It's amazing how seeing something makes you want it, but out of sight out of mind. If I don't go to a store unless I actually need something, and I don't watch TV where people who are paid to make you want stuff you don't really need are really good at their jobs, I can go for months without buying STUFF.

**kyoko** · 12-18-2013, 09:45 PM

As many of members mentioned here, to realize you have a problem is the first and most important step to recovery. I am very happy that you realize it, accept it, and are willing to heal.

Debtors Anonymous absolutely a great place to start. They have a lot of great system and support. I strongly encourage you to check it out. The good thing is that you don't feel alone. Once you check it out, you may be also able to invite your relatives. Accountability and support are always important parts of your road of recovery.

I an also very happy that you understand how much your overspending habit affects in your relationship.
Good job on cutting the credit cards and creating the budget! Good luck!

**mollardr1** · 12-19-2013, 06:43 AM

debt

You are not a bad off as alot of people are that i know of. Good job for actually realizing that you have a spending problem and want to fix it NOW!

Write down your plan and put it on your fridge or somewhere were you will see it everyday.

Selling off some of your cloths is good to get you back in the black. just make sure this money goes back to paying off your credit cards.

I would start with your smallest debt and start to work your way up.

If your medical bills are the smallest and only $1K knock that out first... you can do it quickly and it will be one less thing that you have to worry about.

1 - Get rid of medical debt $1000
2 - Get rid of CC debt $10,000
3 - Get rid of Student loans $30,000

That is the order i would knock this out. That way all when you get rid of your first debt you can take the extra money and really start hammering down your second debt. you will really start to notice that you are making progress.

Dont give up.. think of it as a game... a game that you will win!

Good luck!

**Gailete** · 12-20-2013, 10:52 PM

Not sure if this would help, as I have never had a problem with wanting to shop till you drop, especially for clothes. There are blessings is being tall, big boned and with size 11XW feet -- nothing fits. I sew many of my clothes although this year I have managed to find quite a few sweater tops in my size at the thrift store which has been a huge blessing for me. I don't think in my entire life I have spent $5000 total on clothing & shoes.

But my idea is this. Get a simple sewing machine which can be had for around $200-300. Teach yourself how to sew via books, YouTube videos and sewing lessons at the store where you bought your sewing machine (I don't recommend getting one at a place like Walmart). If you really need a new garment, make it for yourself, or make over a garment into something funky and cheap to wear on the weekends. Remaking thrift store clothes is HUGE now and lots of ideas on Pinterest. Then for each item you make for yourself, make something for charity such as a quilt for Project Linus or a pillowcase dress for the Little Dresses for Africa program. I just wonder if by focusing actively on making something for a child in need, it might give you a different mindset when it comes to shopping. Or if you don't want to pick up sewing--a very fun hobby, for each garment you buy yourself you have to immediately leave that store or department and go buy a child's item to donate to a worthwhile cause. You will either get sick of going back and forth since you would have to do this after EACH garment you buy for yourself, or you will quit shopping so much. Like I said, just an idea. I suspect that many that end up with such good salaries (currently you are making double what I have ever earned)kind of lose track of what the rest of the world is going through trying to make ends meet. Not wanting you to spend money you don't have or put more on your credit card, but knowing each time you buy a blouse or a couple hundred dollar shoes, you also have to have in the budget money for the kids item.

The good thing is understanding so quickly the problem you are having and putting the brakes on. Best wishes.

24yr old female with Debt and spending issues