In Desperate Need of Your Help

[Slug]

Please call the police. The free-loader must go. You are being actively terrorized in your own home. Once he is out, think how much easier it will be to breathe and calm down. You may be hungry, but you will be safe. Call the police. You need the 3rd party objective and authoritative intervention to make this happen. Plus, then you have a paper trail if anything escalates.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Since you are struggling (compassion) with getting rid of your hostile, using, threatening using house guest, be prepared to give him the phone numbers and addresses of a homeless shelter. If there is none near, it could be in another town. This is for your own peace of mind, not his.

Any court action the payday loan place could take would just be to garnish an amount from your paycheck. That would make your employer send money to the payday loan instead of giving you your whole check. We do not send people to jail for being in debt.

[bjl584]

Thank you for your comments. My friend was supposed to leave this morning. But he got sick (again) and his foodstamps haven't come yet, so he was not able to leave. I felt he was being rude to me this morning and asked him to leave, but he said he needed time to get himself together. I was so mad because he knew I couldn't wait as i was already running late for work. I ended up running out in tears. He also tried to make me feel guilty by saying that I supposedly said things last night that all or most if his other friends have said when they no longer wanted him around. He tried to make it seem like he is sick and i'm kicking out a disabled person. he saud he would leave tomorrow morning, but I'm not sure.

I talked to one of the pay day loan companies and they want $590 from me----not including the $350 in interest theve already received on the $350 loan. But they are willing to make $100 a month repayment plans.

My boss is super hard on me and Im just so stressed. I hope I can just rest this weekend.

This problem with your room mate goes beyond finances. You need to start legal action. Call the police and see what steps you need to take to have this person removed from your residence. It sounds like this goes beyond using someone and taking advantage of someone. It seems that this individual is ruining your life. Or at least preventing you from improving your life.

I'd tell the payday loan people you are going to file bankruptcy. Tell them that you will offer them 25 cents on the dollar. take it or leave it.

Can't help you with your boss. What do you do for a living?

[FrugalChick]

Thank you, Slug.

Yesterday was a rough day and by the time I got home I just wanted to go to sleep. My boss was giving me a hard time and on top of the money stuff and worrying about food, etc., it was just too much for me. I was not super friendly with my friend and just went to sleep. We usually talk a lot when I get home, but last night I did not---hoping he would get the message.

I talked with my friend this morning as he was heading out the door to go do day labor and he ended up crying and it definitely pulled on my heart strings. I told him that how he treats me is not okay and that he can no longer ask me for any money at all. He must also contribute to the household expenses if he wishes to be able to stay for the time being until he gets back on his feet. I know I should have stuck to my strength that I had earlier when he was heading out the door, but the crying got to me. I hope that his tears were not fake and that he is sorry for how he has hurt me. I have taken back my keys, so he knows that I am serious about the issue. It is a hard situation, as I am sure most abusive ones are, in that on one hand he is willing to do so much for me ---usually physical, fix-it type stuff. But he wasn't willing to consistently do day labor. I hope that he sticks to his word as I am so stressed that I really did contemplate that the money problems wouldn't be problems if I just wasn't here any more. I could only think of 2 people that would actually miss me. But of course I would never actually harm myself, so there is no need to worry about that. I do fear the whole hell thing, so how I was feeling is just in regards to the level of despair I have had lately. I would never actually do that, and I realize I should go and see a counselor for more emotional and morale support. I post how I am feeling, and yeah, from day to day (heck, hour to hour) it can often change. I am not so despondent that I called in to work or anything like that. I am trying to build up the hope that things will get better money and work wise.

[thekid]

Problems come and problems go. They are only temporary. There are no problems worthy of thinking of taking your life. Please call your hospital or an assistance hotline to talk it over. I know you said it was not serious, but the fact that you had the thoughts has to be addressed. You're hurting, you need support. Nothing wrong with that.

Problems seem huge when you are in the mist of them. They are not. Being overtired and stressed can lead to feeling of dispair, it's normal and happens to everybody. Your life is increadibly precious, don't lose sight of that. Reach out for some help and support, everybody needs a hand once in a while.

[snafu]

Frugal, your stress level comes across clearly, BUT it's important to remove emotion from the problems you've articulated clearly and deal with each - one by one, by one. You've asked for advice and have been offered well thought out suggestions which may not be the solutions you wished. It's in your interest to learn the laws of 'collection' in CA. Harassing phone calls are not allowed and you're free to politely, unemotionally tell the caller that you continue to note the excessive calls and their tone to report to authorities, then end the call. Do you know you need to have a considerable $$$ up front to start bankruptcy procedures and meet stringent rules.

Your friend 's behavior is not acceptable and you know that. Responders are trying to protect you as we see signs of danger in his behavior. If space permits, I suggest you share your apartment with a roomie willing to share rent and utility costs. As stated, you can't afford to pay someone else s phone bill. Get super creative with what ever food is on hand for basic meals and sack lunches. Wishing you well with small, steps forwards.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

First get rid of the friend, he is not a friend. Friends do not threaten or emotionally blackmail each other. That will get rid of a lot of stress.

Second, you make $3k/month and pay $950 rent. Everything after gas for the car is extra. I would do the following.

Income $3k
-Rent $950
-Gas for car $180
-Insurance for car, check if you need full coverage or liability only $150
-Parking $200
-car payment
-utilities $200
-food $200/month
= $1120/month leftover

These are the basics. You should be able to eat with that. I would focus on paying one bill at a time. Call them and be up front you are broke, sick, and trying to dig out. Will $25/month work? Or a settlement? If you can settle one bill for 25 cents on the dollar do it. Especially if you can settle it in full.

If not make payments. There is enough money to not declare BK. There is NOT enough money to support other people.

[NuggetBrain]

First get rid of the friend, he is not a friend. Friends do not threaten or emotionally blackmail each other. That will get rid of a lot of stress.

Second, you make $3k/month and pay $950 rent. Everything after gas for the car is extra. I would do the following.

Income $3k
-Rent $950
-Gas for car $180
-Insurance for car, check if you need full coverage or liability only $150
-Parking $200
-car payment
-utilities $200
-food $200/month
= $1120/month leftover

These are the basics. You should be able to eat with that. I would focus on paying one bill at a time. Call them and be up front you are broke, sick, and trying to dig out. Will $25/month work? Or a settlement? If you can settle one bill for 25 cents on the dollar do it. Especially if you can settle it in full.

If not make payments. There is enough money to not declare BK. There is NOT enough money to support other people.

I completely agree. This guy is manipulating the crap out of you. Next time the waterworks start, keep to the "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you move out" line regardless of the attempts to make you feel bad for him. You CANNOT afford to pay for this dude anymore. I think the budget LL set up for you is perfect. Also, the next time the payday loans call you can tell them that all communication needs to be sent to you via certified mail. If the demand payment, ask for a bill via certified mail. If they threaten legal action, ask for a summons or notification via certified mail. Whatever you do DO NOT give them your bank account or debit card number. They will drain your account. I'm assuming at this point they've put you into collections and, by law, if you ask them to stop calling you they have to stop calling you. Of course this lender sounds shady so who knows if they'll follow the law. But it's worth a try.

[FrugalChick]

I cannot express how all of your suggestions and advice has really helped me right now. I think the fact that the payday loan representative said they would come after me for check fraud, really threw me for a loop and scared me immensely.

I will start to set up payment arrangements with the companies. I am also going to see if the payday loan provider with the $175 monthly fee is really legal in my state. Their company is not legally allowed to do business in California, to my knowledge, but not sure how that affects my current situation.

You all are right about the roomie. Right now my place is so small I am not sure that I could find another roomie willing to stay in my place. I want to get my head right and restrengthen myself when I ask my friend to leave. I am not sure how I will react if he suddenly starts doing the right thing. He said he was trying to show me he cares by working yesterday, but I told him that was just one day and he needs to be more consistent. I noted how when he told me how much money he made, he didn't make any attempt to give me any portion of it, even though he owes me ALOT of money and I was the one who gave him money to pay for transportation to the day labor work site. If he reverts back to his old behavior, then there is no question he must leave. I am not sure how to respond if he actually behaves better.

I am going to try and focus on myself this weekend and get some much needed rest. I have been so stressed I have only been sleeping like 4-5 hours a night and that is possibly adding to my anxiety. Thank you to everyone for your sincere thoughts and support. I am so grateful for a place to be able to talk about my financial issues.

[NuggetBrain]

I cannot express how all of your suggestions and advice has really helped me right now. I think the fact that the payday loan representative said they would come after me for check fraud, really threw me for a loop and scared me immensely.

I will start to set up payment arrangements with the companies. I am also going to see if the payday loan provider with the $175 monthly fee is really legal in my state. Their company is not legally allowed to do business in California, to my knowledge, but not sure how that affects my current situation.

You all are right about the roomie. Right now my place is so small I am not sure that I could find another roomie willing to stay in my place. I want to get my head right and restrengthen myself when I ask my friend to leave. I am not sure how I will react if he suddenly starts doing the right thing. He said he was trying to show me he cares by working yesterday, but I told him that was just one day and he needs to be more consistent. I noted how when he told me how much money he made, he didn't make any attempt to give me any portion of it, even though he owes me ALOT of money and I was the one who gave him money to pay for transportation to the day labor work site. If he reverts back to his old behavior, then there is no question he must leave. I am not sure how to respond if he actually behaves better.I am going to try and focus on myself this weekend and get some much needed rest. I have been so stressed I have only been sleeping like 4-5 hours a night and that is possibly adding to my anxiety. Thank you to everyone for your sincere thoughts and support. I am so grateful for a place to be able to talk about my financial issues.

You respond exactly the same way. "I'm glad you seem to be doing better, but I'm afraid my situation has made it impossible for you to continue living here." Just because he's doing better doesn't mean that you should feel obligated to continue letting him mooch. He's a grown-ass man and if he can't take care of himself that's not your problem. And if he's been so messed up for so long I highly doubt he's going to be able to pull a 180 in the course of a few days.

And, once again. STOP GIVING HIM MONEY.

[thekid]

I cannot express how all of your suggestions and advice has really helped me right now. I think the fact that the payday loan representative said they would come after me for check fraud, really threw me for a loop and scared me immensely.

I will start to set up payment arrangements with the companies. I am also going to see if the payday loan provider with the $175 monthly fee is really legal in my state. Their company is not legally allowed to do business in California, to my knowledge, but not sure how that affects my current situation.

You all are right about the roomie. Right now my place is so small I am not sure that I could find another roomie willing to stay in my place. I want to get my head right and restrengthen myself when I ask my friend to leave. I am not sure how I will react if he suddenly starts doing the right thing. He said he was trying to show me he cares by working yesterday, but I told him that was just one day and he needs to be more consistent. I noted how when he told me how much money he made, he didn't make any attempt to give me any portion of it, even though he owes me ALOT of money and I was the one who gave him money to pay for transportation to the day labor work site. If he reverts back to his old behavior, then there is no question he must leave. I am not sure how to respond if he actually behaves better.

I am going to try and focus on myself this weekend and get some much needed rest. I have been so stressed I have only been sleeping like 4-5 hours a night and that is possibly adding to my anxiety. Thank you to everyone for your sincere thoughts and support. I am so grateful for a place to be able to talk about my financial issues.

Why exactly does it make sense to "give him yet another chance"?

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

FrugalChick, I'm afraid I need to moderate what I said about garnishment of your paycheck being all that the payday loan folks could do. There really is such a thing as check fraud. I really, really don't know the law, but I'm sure it has to do with writing checks that have absolutely no cash in the bank backing them up and doing it intentionally--to defraud. And yes, that is the kind of thing people do get sent to jail for, a crime.

If you took the loan in California, it sure does not sound right that they are not a legal company in California. I suppose it's possible that could help you should they try to have your arrested for a crime. In fact, I doubt they'd bring that kind of attention to themselves in court if they are not legal themselves. The same goes for them suing you in non-criminal court. Why would they call attention to themselves if what they are doing is not legal?

[NuggetBrain]

FrugalChick, I'm afraid I need to moderate what I said about garnishment of your paycheck being all that the payday loan folks could do. There really is such a thing as check fraud. I really, really don't know the law, but I'm sure it has to do with writing checks that have absolutely no cash in the bank backing them up and doing it intentionally--to defraud. And yes, that is the kind of thing people do get sent to jail for, a crime.

If you took the loan in California, it sure does not sound right that they are not a legal company in California. I suppose it's possible that could help you should they try to have your arrested for a crime. In fact, I doubt they'd bring that kind of attention to themselves in court if they are not legal themselves. The same goes for them suing you in non-criminal court. Why would they call attention to themselves if what they are doing is not legal?

Most people who take out payday loans aren't the kinds of people with ready access to lawyers and in depth knowledge of legal issues. They will usually react like the OP and panic, doing whatever it takes to pay them back. They don't care how you get the money, they just want the money. Also, there are TONS of online payday lenders that loan out to states where they aren't supposed to do business. Unless the FBI was to set up some kind of sting operations nobody would know who they were lending to. So yeah, it's entire possible and probable that what they're doing isn't legal (at least threatening jail time, which is a very common and almost NEVER enforced threat collection agencies use). No company is going to waste money on legal fees and time to try and collect on a $300 loan. Why do you think so many credit cards do charge offs? It's not worth it. But it serves it's real purpose, which is to send the defaulter into a complete panic and make them believe the agency has the power to completely ruin their lives.

[thekid]

You will not get arrested or go to jail for bouncing a check. There is ZERO percent chance of that happening. Don't worry about that. It's scare tactics, don't fall for it.

Do check on whether the rates are illegal in your state, there would be a good chance that the loan would be unenforceable or at least the interest would be unenforceable. They know this. If nothing else, use it as leverage to settle.

[thekid]

Couple of sites with pertinent info:

California Payday Loan

CA

The second link has the phone number for the California Bureau of Corporations whom you can contact can answer your questions.