Prenup or not Prenup?

[Valerie S. Johnson]

By Valerie S. Johnson

Whether you get engaged on Valentine’s Day or some other time of the year, the least romantic question is whether or not to sign a prenuptial agreement. It’s the contract that fiancés may sign before the wedding day which describes what will happen to them financially in case they divorce.

It may seem hypocritical to plan for a divorce before the day you pledge to share your lives together forever – for richer, for poorer, right? But the ugly truth is that many marriages end in divorce. And divorce is messy, particularly if one or both people have children from a prior marriage, substantial assets, a business, or a potential inheritance.

Rather than spending massive amounts of money on divorce lawyers, invest in a prenuptial agreement. Each of you will need to hire your own lawyer; this is one time when you shouldn’t share.

It’s important to sign a prenuptial agreement long before the wedding date. If you sign it just before walking down the aisle, it could be legally challenged later. You don’t want there to be any suggestion that one person was coerced into giving up their rights.

Ideally, you’ll be able to broach the subject of a prenuptial agreement before the actual proposal. Your conversation may go something like this:

“If you trusted me, you wouldn’t need me to sign one.”

“If you trusted me, you wouldn’t mind signing one.”

If it does, call off the wedding. You have a lot more talking to do first.

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[baking23]

Re: Prenup or not Prenup?

It’s important to sign a prenuptial agreement long before the wedding date. If you sign it just before walking down the aisle, it could be legally challenged later. You don’t want there to be any suggestion that one person was coerced into giving up their rights.

Ideally, you’ll be able to broach the subject of a prenuptial agreement before the actual proposal. Your conversation may go something like this:

“If you trusted me, you wouldn’t need me to sign one.”

“If you trusted me, you wouldn’t mind signing one.”

If it does, call off the wedding. You have a lot more talking to do first.

I've never been close to marriage, and haven't dated it a long time, however I still plan on writing ones of these up when I do get married. I was surprised that my brother and his wife didn't when they got married last year. They have been together for seven years but I still thought they would have. She changed her name too and I wasn't expecting that either. So maybe with them I'm wrong all the way around.

[pearlieq]

Re: Prenup or not Prenup?

I definitley think they're prudent if you have assets and/or kids from a previous relationship.

However, DH and I married young and our biggest assets respectively were a used Honda Civic and his computer. Anything we would build over the years we would build together, and we would split 50/50 according to standard community property laws.

I can certainly see where prenups would come in handy, but I can't see recommending them automatically for every marriage.

[Valerie S. Johnson]

Re: Prenup or not Prenup?

I can certainly see where prenups would come in handy, but I can't see recommending them automatically for every marriage.

Pearlieq - I agree, they may not be necessary for youngsters with few assets. I do believe every engaged couple should at least have the discussion. Whether they sign a prenup or not ultimately is less important than how each reacts to the question.

[boefixepa]

Re: Prenup or not Prenup?

I'm getting married and we have no intention of having a pre-nup. Technically, because of the house, I have more 'assets' then him. He has more cash. We've joked about it before. All he wants is his DVD collection. I personally don't think in our lives it would make any difference and I think a pre-nup in planning for failure. Many people will argue that with me, and that fine, that's their opinion and I have mine.

I could possibly understand if there were a situation were there was a large difference of assets, or children from a previous relationship, but if there's not than someone already believes the marriage is going to fail before they walk down the isle and are hedging the bet in their favor.

[pearlieq]

Re: Prenup or not Prenup?

I think a pre-nup in planning for failure.

, but if there's not than someone already believes the marriage is going to fail before they walk down the isle and are hedging the bet in their favor.

I do understand your point, but we plan for lots of things that may not happen, and things we hope and pray will never happen.

Just because I have a will and life insurance doesn't mean I'm planning to die tomorrow!

The beauty of the system, of course, is that we can all do what fits us best.

[Broken Arrow]

Re: Prenup or not Prenup?

Boe, of course each couple should do what they feel is best, and I hardly know ye.

However, if a house is on the line, I would probably at least give a pre-nup some consideration anyways.

When I was single, I never thought I'd get married, and when I got married, I never thought I'd be divorced. And when I was getting divorced, I never thought that my ex would go after everything! And yet, that's exactly what happened.... And the whole thing nearly turned ugly too, because we didn't have a pre-nup either.

Of course, nowadays, I'm all for pre-nups. Especially now that my fortune has surpassed the hundreds and into the thousands!

Yours truly,
Brokènus VanderArrow the III

[veronak]

Re: Prenup or not Prenup?

It's funny even though right now I currently do not have much, but I am/will inherit a few pieces of propery (God forbid) if somehting were to happen to either one or my parent's. Combined I would have over or close to a million dollars. I would definately have a prenup, no way will I have some one what my parents worked for minium wage to obtain. At first I always thought prenups ment that a person did not trust you but I see what people walk away with. I had a friend who did not put one coin into her and her husband's home his parents and she left with $70, 000 in a few years plus alimony an now have not one coin oer a house of her own

[tinapbeana]

Re: Prenup or not Prenup?

veronak, you might want to check the laws in your state. in SC, the divorce code states that any property inherited by one partner during the marriage is not considered community property during the disbursement of property to the other partner. basically here, if you inherit it while married and then get divorced, it's not on the 'auction block' so to speak.

[Valerie S. Johnson]

Re: Prenup or not Prenup?

Prenup agreements deal with more than assets. If a bride or groom is bringing outstanding student loan debt or credit card debt to the marriage, the prenup agreement can direct responsibilitiy for repayment if the couple divorces before the debt is fully repaid.